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%PSYCHOLOGY HABIT MIND HEART VICTIMS ADDICT CONTROL 890617

     Some  people  seem to be victims of things which  are
beyond their control.  They seem not to have the good luck
which  other people have,  and seem to be in the  need  of
more help and sympathy than is the case for others.

     Other  people  seem not to be the victims  of  things
beyond their control.   They seem to be the  beneficiaries
of  good  luck and seem to have a generous supply of  help
and  sympathy  which they can share with  those  who  have
little.

     The  first  group of people often end up playing  the
role of addicts; i.e.,  people who are constantly yielding
to  the temptation to be dishonest about their  compulsive
use/abuse of alcohol,  caffeine,  nicotine,  other  drugs,
food, sex, work, religion, persons, etc.

     The  second group of people often end up playing  the
roles of rescuers of the victims playing the first kind of
roles;   they are the enablers of the dysfunctional habits
of  mind  and  heart which  characterize  the  people  who
constantly  seem to be victims of things which are  beyond
their control.

     The  second group of people seem to have the power to
maintain control of themselves and of situations, and they
seem  to  have the power to help the victims who  can  not
help themselves.

     It   is  difficult  for  people  to   perceive   such
relationships  clearly  enough to get beyond  appearances.
What seems to be the case is often not really the case.

     The  victims  are often in control of  the  enablers;
manipulating them by dishonest habits of mind and heart to
feel  sorry  for  the  unfortunate  condition  which  they
maintain  through their repetition of mistakes from  which
they refuse to learn anything.

     The enablers are often not in control of the  addicts
or  of their own habits of mind and heart;  for  they  are
participants  in the addicts'  collusive games  of  mutual
self deception.   The enablers can not admit that they can
not control the behaviors of the victims whom they enable,
and  cannot control their own habits of mind and heart  as
they react thoughtlessly to their victims' dishonest cries
for rescue.

     The psychology of the role of victims and enablers is
not  a  transparent psychology.   Few  features  of  these
personal   relationships   are  objectively  clear.     An
objective   analysis   is  not  adequate  to  achieve   an
understanding of or power to control the situation.  Those
who  are  full participants in the relationships  are  not
able   to   perceive  the  dynamics  of   their   personal
transactions.    Transactional analysis cannot be achieved
by   apparently  objective  or  by   thoroughly   involved
participants.

     People  who are victims of an addiction to any set of
exclusive  habits of mind and heart cannot  understand  or
control  the  behaviors of addicts.   Such  people  rarely
learn  from the consequences of their misguided system  of
values  and  ideals.   Enablers who rescue them  from  the
tragic  consequences  of their misguided system of  values
and  ideals  rarely  confront them  in  a  charitable  way
regarding  the tragic dynamics of their alienative  ideals
and  values.   They usually yield to the temptation to  be
dishonest  about the consequences of their habits of  mind
and  heart with regards to values and ideals.   Because of
their  failure  to be open and honest  about  such  tragic
consequences,  they do not learn to appraise the propriety
of their misleading ideals and values.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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