This is http://www.essayz.com/a8904291.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ADDICT OWN CONTROL PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP CONFUSE 890429 Part of the addictive process is becoming confused about the differences between things which can be controlled and realities which cannot be controlled. In the addictive process people become preoccupied with being in control. Addicts become confused about what can be controlled. They do not recognize the difference between things which can be controlled and other "things" which can not be controlled. They "fuse" together things which can be controlled with "things" which cannot be controlled; through such "fusion" they become con-fused about control, things, and "things". Some of the "things" which cannot be controlled are personal relationships. Personal relationships are not things in the usual sense of things which can be controlled. In limited ways objects can be owned and controlled. Objects do not take initiatives; they do not make decisions. Inanimate objects do not express feelings; they do not respond in personal relationships in an "I- Thou" mode as do people. There are important differences between objects which can be controlled and live people who by their alive nature cannot be controlled. Addicts are people who have become confused and think that they can/should be in control of people and personal relationships. They teach others to become codependent with them in relationships where people are attempting to be in control. They and their supportive codependents attempt to be in control of themselves, their relationships and each other; none of which are "things" in the same sense as inanimate objects are things which can be controlled. People are participants in relationships which transcend them as participants. Relationships create people just as much as people create relationships. The nature of a personal relationship is such that it is logically absurd for anybody to think that they can be in sole control of a relationship in which they are just one of two or more participants. Personal relationships are reflexive realities which logically cannot be the objects of objective control by subjects who are subject to the dynamic processes of the subjective relationships. People who think otherwise are participants in collusive games of mutual self deception and are prone to become participants in addictive/codependent relationships in which they are confused and can not see themselves or each other honestly, clearly or accurately. Few of the keys to integrative personal relationships are to be found in the examples offered by scientists who are addicted to reductionistic analysis of objective relationships between impersonal objects. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================