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 %CHILD OWN DESIRES FEELINGS FEARS INTEGRITY ADDICT 890307

     As a child Jack was not permitted to be authentically
himself.  He was told that he did not want what he knew he
did  want.   Jack was told that he did not feel  the  pain
which  he was very conscious of.  He was told that he  was
not afraid, when he most certainly was afraid.

     When  Jack let other people know of his thoughts they
became  embarrassed and rejected him.  When Jack spoke his
mind his parents would not own him.

     Jack  learned that he could not own his own  desires,
feelings,  fears, thoughts, and personal expressions. Jack
learned that he could not own up to who he was;  i.e.,  he
could  not be honestly responsible (responsive)  with  any
sense of security. Jack learned how to be on the defensive
all  of  the  time,   because he  was  not  accepted  into
conversations,  dialogue and community authentically as he
really was.

     Jack is trying to figure out how to be  authentically
a  member  of the community with integrity  without  being
authentically himself. He cannot figure out how he can get
other  people to accept him at the same time that  he  can
accept himself as he knows he is.

     Jack  is  torn by conflict and tears others  up  with
conflict because there is a conflict between what he knows
he is, and the deceptions which it apparently takes to get
others  to  accept  him into  communal  conversations  and
dialogue.

     Jack has been taught that he is not to be  responsive
in authentic ways and so he cannot behave responsively; he
cannot be responsible in any authentic way.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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