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   %DANGEROUS PREOCCUPATION OTHERS BEHAVIORS ADDICT 890307

     Being  compulsively preoccupied with  other  people's
behavior is a signal of danger.

     A  preoccupation with what other people think of  you
is  a danger signal of a lack of both self confidence  and
self  esteem;  with an associated tendency to try to  know
self through other people's perceptions of self,  as their
perceptions are perceived by yourself.

     A  preoccupation with trying to influence,   control,
manipulate,  impress, etc. other people is a danger signal
of a lack of a sense of self worth in the absence of  such
attainments and achievements;  with an associated tendency
to   try  to  achieve  self  worth  by   attainments   and
achievements.

     A preoccupation with the propriety of other  people's
thoughts,   behaviors,  feelings and opinions is a  danger
signal that you are trying to acquire more  responsibility
than you have authority or ability to fulfill.

     Confusion  about responsibility to control may  begin
with   confusion  regarding  parental  responsibility  for
children.

     If parents take on the responsibility of  controlling
their children's behavior, the children cannot be honestly
responsible,  responsive, for themselves.  Parents take on
the  responsibility  of speaking for and in the  place  of
children.    Parents   take  on  the   responsibility   of
compensating  for  their  children's  mistakes,   and  the
children  do  not  learn  to  compensate  for  their   own
mistakes;  do not learn from their own mistakes.  Children
learn  that  others will compensate and learn  from  their
mistakes.  Children take on the task of teaching others by
making  mistakes,   and  get  upset  when  their  parental
students  do  not  learn well from their  behavior.   Such
children learn early how to be addicted to parents who are
codependent  with  them.  Such children grow up  to  teach
their children in a similar manner.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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