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      %TRANSCEND CONTROL EXPECT SELF REJECT CONFORM 881224

     To   enjoy  integrity people must transcend the  self
control  exerted  by expectations of  self  rejection   as
punishment for   failure  to  conform  to  perceptions  of
others'    expectations.       In  the  absence  of   such
transcendence  in   one   person  of   a  collusion,   the
perception    of  the transcendence in  another person  is
experienced  as a personal  threat  by  the person who has
not   transcended such self control.

     Self    control   often  leads   to   disintegration.
Coercive self  control which lacks respect  for   personal
integrity leads  to  disintegration.    Self control which
leads to personal  dishonesty  leads  to   disintegration.
Self   control  which is the internalization  of  external
coercive   control,      and which   lacks   respect   for
personal  integrity,     leads to  disintegration.     The
discipline  of self control is not necessarily integrative
in    character.   To    promote  personal  and   communal
integrity  it   is  often essential to transcend  coercive
forms  of  self  control which lead  people  into  violent
relationships.

     A preoccupation with control is a characteristic   of
collusive   addicts  and  their  supportive  codependents.
Highly respected  addicts  and codependents are prone   to
encourage    manipulative  forms of self   control,    and
the  kinds   of expectations which  empower   manipulative
self  control.     They encourage the  internalization  of
external  expectations.       In  this way they appear  to
gain  control  over  the  behaviors  of  others.      Such
apparent  acquisition of the  power  to  control    others
leads  to   corruption to the extent that  it is  free  of
checks and balances.

     Collusive   addicts  and   codependents  hide  and/or
misrepresent   their  forms  of   manipulative    control.
They  engage   in   deceptive maneuvers  which   undermine
the   possibility  of  checks  and  balances.         Such
deceptive    maneuvers   lead    to   the  corruption   of
excessive   power  to  control.     Thus   addiction   and
codependence    leads    to   personal    and     communal
disintegration.

     To   enjoy integrity people must transcend  the  self
control  exerted  by  expectations of  self-rejection   as
punishment for  failure   to  conform  to  perceptions  of
others'     expectations.      In  the   absence  of  such
transcendence  of  a  collusion  in    one   person,   the
perception   of   the  transcendence in another person  is
experienced  as  a personal  threat  by the person who has
not   transcended such self control.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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