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   %ADDICTED TO LOVED PERSON COMPULSIVE FOCUS FIXES 881225

     People can be come addicted to alcohol,  drugs, work,
sex,   power;   and to specific other persons who are near
and  dear to them.    When two people become  compulsively
focused   upon   each  other  as  fixes  for  their    own
inadequacies,   they become  addicted to each other;   and
become dishonest with each  other  about  the  nature   of
their    personal   relationships.  Such  dishonesty    is
characteristic   of  addiction.      In  such    dishonest
relationships  there is mutual manipulation through mutual
self deception and mutual coercion.     Personal integrity
is     not   fulfilled   in   such   addictive    personal
relationships.

     Detachment  is  the process of transcending  such  an
addiction  to   and with another  person.       Detachment
entails   the transcendence  of the compulsive focus  upon
that  which  is the focus of the addiction;   e.g.,    the
other person in an addictive personal relationships.

     Detachment  is  apparently  impossible when  you  are
madly  in love with the person to whom you  are  addicted.
Detachment  appears to be irresponsible with  regards   to
the person you apparently love.    How can you detach from
the person who is apparently essential to your being?  How
can you reasonably  be expected to give  up what  you have
found  in  each  other,    and try to  be yourself without
any fix from the other upon whom you have come to  depend?
How  can  you  be   expected   to   give  up  your  mutual
dependence  when  it means everything to both of you?

     Detachment    does    not   necessitate    rejection,
alienation,     excommunication,     or neglect.        It
does    necessitate     transcendence    of     compulsive
preoccupation,  fixation,  exclusive attention,   control,
dishonesty,    and  the    dependence   upon   fixes    to
dishonestly  compensate for  personal inadequacies.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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