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  %ATTITUDES TOWARDS INTIMATE DIALOGUE CONVERSATION 880503

     Our attitudes towards  intimate dialogue are habitual
patterns of thought and feeling regarding taking the  risk
of entering into vulnerable open and honest relationships.
Such  habitual  patterns  develop  in response  to regular
patterns  in how others treat our experimental efforts  to
enter  into intimate  relationships.     If  our imperfect
efforts  are   encouraged,    we are  likely  to   develop
healthy   attitudes  towards  intimate   conversation  and
so    enjoy   conversion    from    uninformed     private
conceptions   to  informed   communal  conceptions of what
is real and worthy of respect.

     If   as   children  we  see   people   rejected   and
excommunicated for making blunders in trying to enter into
intimate dialogue,  then we as young people are likely  to
try   to  avoid   making   such  blunders  at  all  costs;
including   the  cost   of   life-long   alienation    and
loneliness.     Each community   contributes  to  its  own
unity   or  disintegration   by    how   it  treats  young
people's  imperfect   attempts   to reach  out  and   form
intimate   relationships.        The  communal   attitudes
towards    intimacy    grow    in  the habitual   patterns
of   how young   people  are  treated  as they   seek   to
develop intimate relationships;    and  what guidance  and
encouragement   they   are  offered  in  their efforts  to
develop intimate relationships.

     When those who have learned through experience do not
share their learning and experience,  the next  generation
is  the poorer for their  failure to share what  has  been
learned.   The   most   convincing   learning    is    the
learning     which  involves     personal      involvement
and    intellectual understanding.     Young  people learn
most helpfully  from those  who have integrated their  own
personal   experience with  their  conceptual patterns  of
thought,  so  that  they live  a  coherent  life of affect
and   intellect.      These  considerations  are important
with  regard to our attitudes towards  vulnerable intimate
relationships.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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