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   %DISINTEGRATION DUE TO CONTROL AND MANIPULATIONS 880503

     It  is  dangerous to afford respect  to  manipulative
people  who try to control the behavior of  others.    The
danger  does  not lie in any possibility  that  they  will
succeed  in  doing  what  they  are  trying  to  do,   for
ultimately  it  is impossible to control the  behavior  of
others.    Real people behave in ways which are tangential
to  the forces of manipulation and control.   Attempts  at
controlling  have consequences,  but the consequences  are
usually not   the  intended  consequences.     Often   the
consequences  are tragic;  i.e.,  terrible in the light of
the values and ideals  of  those people who occasioned the
consequences  by  being faithful to and  sophisticated  in
their service to their highest ideals and values.

     One  of  the  most basic consequences  of  respecting
manipulative  people  is that the freedom to be  open  and
honest  in intimate dialogues is reduced in proportion  to
how much the manipulative people are respected and granted
power and influence.  It is not safe to be open and honest
around manipulative people,  for they regard vulnerability
as   a  weakness  which  should  be  taken  advantage  of.
Manipulative people thus undermine security,  for security
is the freedom to  be safely vulnerable in open and honest
intimate friendships.

     Children  who   grow  up   in   a manipulative  adult
environment  learn  not to be open and honest in  intimate
friendships.   They learn it is not safe to be vulnerable.
They  learn  that  security is not a gift,   and  come  to
believe that security can be achieved through manipulative
efforts  to control the behavior of others.   They  become
like the adults who created the context for their insecure
childhood.

     Children   who  have  grown  up  in  a   manipulative
environment  have learned to fear people whom they do  not
know.    Ignorance  is the foundation for  fear  in  their
lives.  They believe that people whom they do not know are
probably manipulative people who want to gain control over
everybody else.  In ignorance they believe that the people
whom  they  do not know are like the  manipulative  people
whom they do know.

     In ignorance fearful people do not seek to  transcend
their  ignorance  because they have not learned  to  trust
others,  for others are manipulative.   It is dangerous to
grant  respect  and power to manipulative people  who  are
ignorant.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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