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     %ATTRACTIVE RESPONSIVE DEFENSIVE SECURE PEOPLE 880323

     We  are  attracted  to people who are  responsive  in
integrative ways.

     When  people are not responsive we may wonder what it
is  that  they  are hiding,  and suspect  them  and  their
motives.    At  the least we tend to feel  that  they  are
unknown, and as unknown people they can not be relied upon
to behave in any known way.

     We  are not attracted to reactive people;  i.e.,   to
people who react to what we do and say, but do not respond
to  us  as persons engaged in dialogue.   Reactive  people
tend not to enter into open and honest dialogue, and so we
do not get to know them as people.  As unknown people they
can not be relied upon to behave in any known way.

     Responsive  people tend to reveal themselves to us by
how  they  respond to us.   We get to know them  as  whole
persons  and  have  a sense that we can  trust  the  whole
persons whom we have come to know.   They do not react  in
ways which signal attempts at manipulative control.   Thus
we do not feel a need to be defensive and are free to feel
at ease, secure.

     Attractive people are attractive because they give us
the freedom to be vulnerable in their presence; so we like
to  be in their presence.  We are attracted to them by the
security  which  they  offer  to us by  being  openly  and
honestly responsive.

     Attractive  people  are  not on the  defensive;   not
trying  to  achieve security through defensive  maneuvers.
They know security as the freedom to be safely  vulnerable
through the experience of that freedom.  Such knowledge is
not  an  intellectual  knowledge only,  it is  existential
knowledge born of familiarity rather than of  definitions,
logic and reasoning.

     Defensive  people tend not to be  attractive.    They
tend  to scare others off and so intensify the  insecurity
which is manifested in their being defensive.    Defensive
people tend to be threatened by attractive people  because
attractive people  undermine  the  logic  which drives and
guides defensive people,  and so justifies their defensive
patterns of behavior; yet miracles do happen and defensive
people sometimes become responsive people.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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