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             %DEFENSIVE INSECURE IMPOSTER DISHONEST 880217

     Jack  is insecure and defensive because he is  trying
to  appear to be other than what he is---because  he  does
not believe that he will be accepted as the person who  he
really is.   He has felt rejected for being the person  he
really is.   He feels he must pretend to be other than the
person he really is in order to gain acceptance;  he feels
he  must  be dishonest to be accepted as a member  of  his
community.  He is trying to be an acceptable imposter.

     When  a  society  refuses to accept  people  as  they
really  are,   the society invites its members  to  become
dishonest imposters who will always be insecure and on the
defensive; trying to maintain their artificial image.  The
imposter  must always work to defend some dishonest image.
The imposter can not ever have the luxury of being  secure
in  vulnerable intimacy.   The imposter can not  take  the
risk  of  accepting  true  love and  being  exposed  in  a
vulnerable relationship of true intimacy.

     People  who get trapped in addictive and co-dependent
relationships and behavior patterns tend to be people  who
have  low  self-esteem,   they  engage  in  all  kinds  of
personally manipulative behavior which is dishonest,   and
are externally  referenced  (seek  for solutions  to their
problems outside of themselves).  Addicts are often on the
defensive.   They are insecure and try to present an image
of being sure of themselves, even when they are not.

     To keep from going to war we have  to learn how to be
secure  without  being  defensive---by learning  how to be
honest without getting clobbered.  We have to learn not to
clobber honest  people, so honest people can be secure and
not feel the need to be  defensive.    Only as we learn to
give  each  other  the  freedom  to  be  honest  in   safe
vulnerable  relationships can we be secure  and stop being
defensive.  Then world peace will become possible!

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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