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                %DENYING PLEASURE OF HAVING CONTROL 870417

     Some  people  seek pleasure and self  fulfillment  in
exercising control over others.   They enjoy the  contests
having  to  do  with who  will  have  control,   including
contests  which  seek  to  deprive  others  of  exercising
control.  If their right  to  have  control is challenged,
that  challenge meets one of their needs to be in contests
over who shall exercise control.   They need to be engaged
in contests over control,  and find their  satisfaction by
participating in such contests.  Such people believe it is
important  to be in control and that important people  are
in contests over being in control.

     The perverse attitudes, ideals, values, and behaviors
of manipulative  people can not be controlled  in  keeping
with  their  perverse  attitudes,   ideals,   values   and
behaviors.    To  become  like them to  overcome  them  is
futile,  for their victory is in forcing others to  become
like them.

     To  transcend  the ways of people who believe  it  is
important to be in control---one must transcend the belief
system  of  such people,  transcend their  conceptions  of
themselves  and human relationships.   It is important  to
learn  how to perceive human relationships in  integrative
rather than in power-politics terms.   There is a need for
new  conceptions  in terms of which to recognize  what  is
needed   to  sustain  personal  and  communal   integrity.
Playing  power  control games will not promote or  sustain
personal and communal integrity.  Communities which affirm
the  importance  of  being in control  do  not  ultimately
survive with integrity.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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