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  %SUBMISSION TO CONTROLLING LOVE ADDICT FAIL POWER 870417

     People who love each other do not control each  other
or submit to each other's desires to be in control.

     People  who believe it is important to be in  control
seek  to  be  important by being in control  or  by  being
controlled by an important person or important persons.

     People  who believe it is important to be in  control
seek to enter into contractual relationships in which they
can  control  relationships contractually,   each  seeking
contractual  advantages by  affirming their own importance
in controlling maneuvers.

     Some people seek to be important by being in control.
Others   seek  to  be  important  by  submitting  to   the
controlling  behavior  of  important  people  who  are  in
control.    The latter pay for their sense  of  importance
through being in submission:   it is part of their payment
for  the  service  of getting a sense of  importance  from
someone  who  feels  important by being in  control  of  a
submissive person.

     When  a  submissive  person  fails  to  fulfill   the
contract  for  important  services  of  control  by  being
submissive to such control, the person in control is bound
to exercise more vigorous attempts to be in control:  that
is  part  of  the  contractual  relationship.    Regaining
control   of  the  non-submissive  person  and  the   non-
submissive person returning to the submissive relationship
is a  reaffirmation of the goodness of control, submissive
relationships and the importance which power relationships
affirm.

     When  a submissive person no longer wants to play the
role of  being submissive, the person in  control  is  not
always  willing  to quit playing the games of mutual  self
deception  about being important through being in  control
or   submission.    The  controller  may  become  fearful,
desperate  and  despotic  in attempting  to  continue  the
addictive  game  of  mutual self deception;  and  turn  to
violence  in  an  attempt to maintain the  appearances  of
importance in the face of low self esteem.   The  formerly
submissive   person  needs  to  find  ways  to  free   the
controller  from the need to be in control to fulfill  the
needs of an addict to bolster self esteem.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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