This is http://www.essayz.com/a8703051.htm         
Previous-Essay      <== This-Essay ==>     Following-Essay
Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words.
{Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.}
==========================================================
                   %EMOTION FULFILL PATERNAL ATTACH+870305
                         %IDEOLOGICAL VALUE CONTROL 870305

     Parents  often find their fulfillment  through  their
efforts  to control the ideas,  ideals and values of their
children;  whether the children be natural born or adopted
in  any way/procedure.   Parents become attached to  their
children;    become   emotionally  dependent  upon   their
children's  adoption  of the parents'  ways  of  thinking,
feeling,   deciding,   behaving,   etc.    Such   parental
dependence   upon  children  generates  high   levels   of
conflict:   The parents feel a need to achieve fulfillment
through  their  children's conformity to  parental  ideas,
ideals, values and  affective behavior.  Yet, the children
need  to achieve maturity through the fulfillment of their
own unique identity and  possibilities which are not those
of  their parents.   This is not possible so long  as  the
parents  are  attached to their  children  in  a  bond  of
emotional dependency,  and so long as the children  accept
this bond.

     Dependent children may seek to escape their state  of
dependency  by  shifting from one form  of  dependency  to
another  form of dependency,  perhaps an addiction.   They
may not be mature enough to transcend addiction, and shift
from  parental  addiction  to other  forms  of  addiction:
alcohol, tobacco, drugs,  spending money,  work, sex, etc.
Having learned dependency they cycle through various forms
of  dependency  in various forms of attachment to whatever
they are dependent upon.

     Mature interdependency entails people who are free to
fulfill themselves in autonomous relationships,  yet  find
greater  fulfillment  through  interdependent  cooperation
mixed  with  autonomous  activities appropriate  to  their
individual unique identities.  Mature interdependency does
not entail control and manipulation through attachment and
dependency  upon attachment.   In relationships of  mature
interdependence  participants  are free to be  themselves,
and free to be with each other without feeling any need to
control or conform to controlling interests.

     Parents  who  are attached to their children as fixes
need  to  detach  from  their children and to cease  being
dependent   upon  their  children  for   their   emotional
fulfillment.      Such   detachment   does   not   connote
indifference,    but  a transformation  from paternalistic
relationships  to  mature inter-personal  relationships of
interdependence   which  are  free  of  manipulation   and
rebellion.     Detachment  connotes  the  termination   of
manipulative attachment of parents to children regarded as
means.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
==========================================================