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%COURTSHIP 851227
Courtship is a search for mutuality. Jack or Jill
seeks to elicit from the other interest in desires and
activities which might become mutual as to desire and
fulfillment. If the response of the other is not
reciprocal courtship, then the potentials of courtship are
not fulfilled. One can not coerce another into courtship.
Unless there is free desire and choice there is no
mutuality in courtship, no search for mutuality, and the
search for mutuality may not mature.
Courtship is initiated by Jack or Jill with risk of
rejection and fear of rejection. To initiate courtship
involved vulnerability and so requires a sense of security
as a foundation for taking the risk which is entailed. To
respond to courtship also involves the risk that the
initiation is not in earnest, but just a game, a passing
flirtation which may be mistaken to be in earnest.
Mistaking others' intentions is risky. What one perceives
in other's intentions reveals as much about one's own
desires and fears as it reveals about other's intentions.
Thus responding to initiatives in courtship is not
entirely different from initiating courtship, it involves
the risk of rejection and fear of rejection in
vulnerability, and so requires a sense of security as a
foundation for taking the risk of responding to courtship
initiatives in a receptive way.
Courtship may be a search for mutuality of any of a
variety of forms: intellectual business, political,
professional, spiritual, sexual, friendship, religious,
doctrinal, etc. There are not as many necessary
connections among forms of mutuality as some people
believe there are, although there may be some connections
which are beyond human control and understanding. It is
risky to believe that humans can achieve full control of
all aspects of courtship and mutuality and so control all
manners of interactions of various forms of mutuality.
Courtship can not be controlled.
Courtship is essentially reflexive in nature and so
not objective behavior. Courtship has to do with the
desires of self and other, not with other as separated
from self. Objective relationships do not involve
mutuality or reflexivity and so do not include courtships
among people behaving as subjects participating in the
search for I-Thou in the eternal now of subjective
relationships.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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