This-essay is a8412142.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %DESIRES REGARDING DESIRES 841214 Our desires, instincts, passions, goals, intentions, expectations, responsibilities, compulsions, goals, ideals, predictions, anticipations, fears, etc.---often get all mixed up with each other to such an extent that we and others can not sort out which is which. For perverse reasons we perceive them to be each other and/or we transform them into each other. Sometimes we feel it is our responsibility to desire what we do not in fact have any feeling for. We also feel it is our responsibility not to passionately seek for the fulfillment of instinctive desires which are regarded as irresponsible goals. People expect us to fulfill their expectations---as if that should be our goal and responsibility. In anticipation of our fulfilling their expectations of us---we fear their disapproval of our failure to desire to do---because they feel it is our responsibility to do what they instinctively know we should do. Ideals get transformed to conform to such expectations---and it is our responsibility to choose and desire goals which serve those transformed ideals. In all of this we rarely desire to be clear about what we really desire and instinctively want. We can not be honest with ourselves, because we do not know ourselves intimately. We are all mixed up, so mixed up that we can not sort out when we are being authentic, and when we are fulfilling interjected expectations; expectations which run counter to integrating us into coherent inter-personal relationships. We fear the trauma of seeing ourselves clearly, for then we would face the problem of making a decision as to which pressure to yield to, but we lack the integrity to make such a decision with coherence and integrity. We are not coherent in our self conception of who we are, or who we are becoming. We are what others want us to be, and they are what we want them to be; nobody can be themselves with authenticity in relating to others who are also themselves with authenticity. Conformity to expectations is the rule, creativity the exception. Some people desire to understand, predict and control not only other people's behavior, but also their awareness of and expressions of their desires. Behaviorists go so far as to desire that desires not be regarded as real; behaving as if desires were not real in the absence of any corresponding behavior. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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