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%CONTRACTUAL PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 801211
Some people assume that all personal relationships
are contractual in nature, that all meeting is in terms
of the exchange of services. In such contractual personal
relationships there are expectations which must be
fulfilled, else the contract is violated and
excommunication follows. The purpose of the relationship
is to formulate and fulfill expectations. Thus the
relationships tend to be conformal, conforming behavior to
expectations which are specified in the contracts.
At one level the contracts specify the kinds of
behavior which are required or forbidden. At another
level it is implicitly agreed that there shall be no
surprises. Behavior which is not explicitly contracted
for is in effect forbidden. Thus contracts may take on
the nature of a collusion by which there is mutual
regulation of behavior, thought, and feeling---to maintain
conformity with the central falsehoods of the collusion.
The personal contracts in effect specify not only overt
behavior, but also specify such private aspects of being
as desires, feelings, thoughts, hopes, etc.
People who assume that all personal relationships are
contractual in nature may find it impossible to believe
that there exist personal real relationships which are not
contractual in nature. Their assumption may take on
aspects of a dogmatic belief which excludes from
consideration any evidence to the contrary. Such a belief
plays a central role in maintaining a collusion to the
effect that it is impossible for people to relate to each
other in other than contractual ways. Participants in
such a belief are likely to feel threatened by suggestions
that it is possible to participate in non-contractual
personal relationships. They are likely to fear the
uncertainty of the surprises implicit in non-contractual
personal relationships. They are prone to regard such
relationships as disorderly, and perhaps illegal.
People who are accustomed to participation in
contractual relationships may feel threatened by non-
contractual persons who fail to give signals of what is
expected; because in the absence of proposals of
contractual terms, how is one to behave, to fulfill one's
own side of the contract?
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
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