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%HONEST EMOTIONS CONFORM 800928
Honest emotions are not normative in a conformal
society. Emotional integrity is undermined by conformal
pressures. People cannot "compute" what emotional
response is called for in a given context and then with
honesty respond emotionally in the expected way. people
who feel the need to conform emotionally cannot be
emotionally open and honest. The threat of emotional
excommunication causes them to consider in each situation
whether or not it is safe to be emotionally open and
honest. The threat may exist internally, as well as
externally. People often internalize threats of
excommunication, and relieve others of having to actively
maintain such a threat. People often reject themselves
for being emotionally open and honest in violation of
conventional standards of behavior. Such self-violence
can be just as destructive as violence inflicted from
without. The feeling that it is necessary to decide
whether or not it is safe to be emotionally open and
honest---undermines the possibility of emotionally healthy
living. To promote emotional health it is necessary to
create contexts which make it evident that such feelings
are un-called for.
Emotional health is promoted by occasions of
affirmation of emotional honesty when conventional
emotions are not expressed. People need to feel affirmed
for revealing themselves honestly. People need to feel
that they will not be judged and excommunicated for how
they feel, for revealing their emotions or what they think
about their feelings, or for revealing their private
thoughts.
Emotionally immature people feel threatened by open
and honest expressions of non-conventional emotions. They
regard such honest expressions as attacks upon them---
comparable to a physical attack resulting in physical
harm. They compare their emotional distress to the
physical distress of the victim of a physical assault, and
feel that they have the right to be protected from such
emotional assaults. People who respect such presumed
rights promote emotional immaturity by helping to inhibit
emotional honesty on the part of people seeking to live
emotionally healthy lives---in a community dominated by
emotionally immature people. It is dangerous to violate
people's communication rights for any reason.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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