This-essay is a7903141.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %REASONS FOR NOT LOVING FEELINGS 790314 Jill feels she loves Jack. Jack knows he loves Jill. Jill does not feel that Jack loves her. Jack knows that Jill loves him, but does not feel that Jill loves him. Jack and Jill are confused about what they know and what they feel, and the reasons for it all. Jill feels disappointed that Jack does not love her as she feels he would if she merited his love. Jill seeks to understand why Jack does not feel for her as she has hoped he would. She seeks a reason for his lack of feeling for her. She feels she may not be attractive enough, and wishes to know the truth. Jill asks Jack why he does not like her---expecting an affective consideration and response. Jack does not know why he does not feel for Jill as Jill wishes he would. He seeks to discover a logical reason for the problem which seems to exist. He engages in self-analysis. Jack has not felt as strongly towards Jill as he might have because he has been so preoccupied in analysis --- always trying to figure things out logically. His rational analysis has blocked affective sensitivity, being preoccupied with knowing rather then feeling. Jill's wish to know why he does not feel for her deepens his preoccupation with knowing rather than with feeling---and only compounds the problem further. Logical analysis will not help in a direct way to transcend the blockages which are occasioned by logical analysis. Jack and Jill need to do something else than climb the hill of knowledge to find the well of feeling. Feelings flow from relationships, rather than from individual wills and efforts. We can not will to have desired feelings. Feelings which are achieved through deliberate effort tend to be relatively meaningless feelings. The absence of desired feelings is as likely to originate in efforts to will and/or achieve them, as in any "defect" in an individual. Feelings of inadequacy are likely to arise when we fail to recognize that the absence of desired feelings are more likely to flow from the nature of a personal relationship---than from the nature of the individuals. The focus can more helpfully be directed to the relationships and its growth/death, than to attributes of the participants. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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