This-essay is a7805152.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %LETTING GO-2 780515 We often fear to let go and let an intimate friendship develop, for we fear the unknown demands which an intimate relationship may make upon us. We tend to be comfortable in the life-style we have independent of such a possible relationship. We may fear the possibility of rejection upon more complete self-revelation, and hold back on being open and vulnerable. Some of the fear is simply the fear of change. Once an intimate friendship has matured we may fear to let go of it, for we fear the unknown demands of the independence which separation may make upon us. We may have become comfortable in the life-style of intimacy with the affirmations it occasions. We may fear the feeling of possible "rejection" which we may read into a letting go separation, and clutch to the relationship as if we could own and control it. We may hold back on being independent and on permitting a friend to affirm an essential degree of independence. Some of the fear is the fear of change. Intimate friendships cannot be owned, possessed, controlled, managed, or the like. They have a vitality and power of their own; we are as much their children, as we create them by entering into them. If they are to be vital they must be free to grow, to change, to evolve, to undergo metamorphosis, to germinate. Metamorphosis and germination involve the "death" of the former life form--- and the development of a more mature life form. An effort to preserve the former will prevent the growth of the more mature life form. For an intimate friendship to grow it may be necessary from time to time for the friends to let go of each other---to relax any possessive tendencies which may naturally have evolved, to reaffirm each other's individuality and separate identity; lest their interdependence become a perverse form of dependency. The growth of letting go will tend to involve various forms of pain, for growth involves stresses and strains of uneven/unmatched change. It is a blessing when real friends can mutually accept the evolution of an intimate relationship as a gift which comes from beyond themselves. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================
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