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%WAY PATH DIRECT ATTENTION EFFORT FOCI FOCUS LOVERS 040914
%TRUE TRUTH AUTHENTIC ABSOLUTE PURE RIGHTEOUS GOODS 040914
%DOMINATION SYSTEM CONTROLLERS INFORMAL ASPECTS GOD 040914
%BEING TOGETHER CHARGE CONTROL FRIENDS SUPERIOR SEX 040914
%INTIMATE AUTHENTIC FRIENDS PROPER CONFORM MORALITY 040914
 %ETHICAL JUSTICE WAR DISTRIBUTIVE RETRIBUTIVE LAWS 040914

     To understand the important differences between True-
Lovers  and Domineerin-Controllers we need to  focus  upon
the  Beginning-Points of  the  INFORMAL-ASPECTS  of  their
lives;   i.e.,  upon what do they  focus  their:  desires,
friendships, hopes, aspirations, expectations, intimacies,
private-times, etc.

     Note that  none of the just named ASPECTS  are FORMAL
in nature, and that FORMAL efforts are usually impotent in
trying  to  CONTROL  the just  named  INFORMAL-ASPECTS  of
people's lives.

     Note  below the kinds of foci upon which  True-Lovers
and Dominators focus attention:


TRUE-LOVERS-FOCUS-UPON          DOMINATORS-FOCUS-UPON

BEING-TOGETHER                  BEING-IN-CHARGE/CONTROL
BEING-FRIENDS                   BEING-RIGHTEOUS
BEING-INTIMATE                  BEING-SUPERIOR IN SOME WAY
BEING-AUTHENTIC                 BEING-PROPERLY-CONFORMED
BEING-CREATIVE                  BEING-LIKE-IDEAL-FORMS
BEING-COOPERATIVE               BEING-LOYAL-FOLLOWER
BEING-INTEGRATORS               BEING-EXCLUSIVE
BEING-COMPLEMENTARY             BEING-OBEDIENT
BEING-HONEST                    BEING-RIGHT
BEING-IN-LOVE                   BEING-IN-POWER
BEING-RECONCILED                BEING-THE-WINNER
BEING-INCLUSIVE                 BEING-DOMINANT
BEING-WELL-INTEGRATED           BEING-PURE



     Note that our formal laws, codes, ethics and morality
do NOT focus upon items in the list on the left.

     Note that our formal laws, codes, ethics and morality
DO-FOCUS  upon issues related to the items in the list  on
the right; in some way or another.   The DOMINANT-FOCUS is
one  of  preoccupation,   rather  than  one  of  creative-
affirmations and/or  facilitations.   The contrast between
True-Lovers and Domineering-People is as much in LIFESTYLE
as in regards to where attention is directed;  i.e., as in
the nature of the FOCI upon which attention is directed.

     The  WAYS in  which honest True-Lovers  direct  their
attention  to  the  FOCI on the left ---  are  WAYS  which
cannot  make sense in directing attention to the  FOCI  of
Domineering-People on the right.

     The  WAYS  in which Domineering-People  direct  their
attention  to  the FOCI on the right ---  are  WAYS  which
cannot  make sense in directing attention to the  FOCI  of
True-Lovers on the left.

     There  are contrasts  BETWEEN the WAYS  attention  is
directed ---  which are just as important as the contrasts
between the FOCI upon which attention is directed.

     - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     The  above  considerations  point  to  an   extremely
important difference between:

     A.  The kinds of  unilaterally-defined  "IDEAL-FORMS"
of isolated and  controlable/ownable posessions,   OBJECTS
and "OBJECTIVE": "ideals",  "values",  "virtues", "goals",
"successes",  "standards" and "conformities"  which "make-
sense"  to Domineering-People on-the-one-hand ---  and on-
the-other-hand:

     B.  The  kinds  of  gracious-communal  IDEAL-FORMS of
REFLEXIVE-RELATIONSHIPS    which   make-sense   and    are
meaningful  to  cooperative  True-Lovers  together  within
healthy  and  humane  communities  ---  that   demonstrate
reverence   toward   HUMANE-INCARNATIONS   of   REFLEXIVE-
RELATIONAL-VIRTUES  such as:  cooperation,   colaboration,
balance, generosity, mutuality, grace, respect,  patience,
tolerance,  listening, honesty, authenticity,  creativity,
dialogue, integrations, integrities,   coherence,   agape,
love,  hospitality,  complementation,  civility,  etc. ---
WHICH CANNOT BE CONTROLLED, OWNED, POSSESSED, OBJECTIFIED,
OR UNILATERALLY DEFINED-OR-CREATED.

     (NOTE:   The kinds of kind "RELATIONSHIPS"  which are
here discussed  cannot be defined and/or  created by purly
formal processes;   e.g.,  through a  marriage or business
contract,  promises-made, or an initial set of "decisions"
made.    The kinds of kind "RELATIONSHIPS"  here discussed
evolve through  regular  dynamic  interactions  among  the
participants within the relationships; with people who are
regularly  acting  in ways which are:   honest,    mutual,
cooperative, civil, gracious, generous, etc.)

     Domineering-people unilaterally demonstrate their IN-
coherent:   intentions,  desires,   goals,  hopes, ideals,
values,  attitudes and expectations;  which they regard as
CONSISTENT with realities listed under paragraph "A" above
---   and which  are  IN-CONSISTENT  with realities listed
under paragraph "B" above.

     True-Lovers  cooperatively  demonstrate  their TRULY-
coherent: intentions,   desires,  goals,  hopes,   ideals,
values,    attitudes  and  expectations  ---   which   are
CONSISTENT with realities listed under "A"  above ---  and
which  are  IN-CONSISTENT with realities listed under  "B"
above.

     Because  of  their  unilateral conflicting Beginning-
Points --- domineering-people  work in ways which  promote
and  facilitate:   alienations,   estrangements, misunder-
standings,  prejudices,  excommunications,  evil-relation-
ships and  disintegrations  of  persons and communities in
CONTENTIOUS ways.

     Because of their  cooperative and coherent Beginning-
Points  ---  True-Lovers  work  cooperatively  to  promote
and  faciliate:   reconciliations,  friendships,   mutual-
respect,   confirmations,    true-dialogues,    grace-ful-
relationships    and    integrations   of   persons    and
communities in COMPLEMENTARY ways.

     Because  of  their  contrasting  Beginning-Points ---
Domineering-People  and  True-Lovers END  their  lives  at
contrasting Ending-Points.   The contrasts have to do with
both the WAYS they-focus-attention, and the natures of the
FOCI upon-which they-focus-attention.   Domineering-People
do not  understand their OWN relationships  nor  those  of
True-Lovers.     True-Lovers  understand  both  their  OWN
relationships  and the Tragic-Relationships  within  which
Domineering-People  entrap-themselves  and  others.    For
integrity  to endure --- some Beginning-Points must change
in future generations.

     Neither Domineering-People nor True-Lovers have it in
their power to unilaterally-determine the Beginning-Points
of  others.    HOWEVER,   True-Lovers have more  power  to
graciously  influence  the  Beginning-Points  of   future-
generations   than  do  Domineering-People  ---    because
Domineering-People  lack  Grace and Love ---   which  they
cannot   unilaterally-get-or-control.   Domineering-People
cannot  get-or-control  any realities which transcend them
and which they deny  can exist apart  from  them and their
controls.

                             - - - - -

     Both  Domineering-People  and True-Lovers may  change
during their lives ---  into "the other"  kind of  people.
In  the  above,   "Beginning-Points"  are not  exclusively
about "when-in-time".  "Beginning-Points"  have to do with
different    people's   most-fundamental   and   ultimate:
assumptions,   attitudes,  language-elements,  categories,
preoccupations,   values,   ideals,  interests,   desires,
reasoning-styles,  premises,  theses, etc.  ---  which MAY
act-to-exclude other COMPLEMENTARY Begining-Points.

     IDOLATRY   involves  the   THOUGHTLESS-EXCLUSION   of
COMPLEMENTARY  Beginning-Points.   IDOLATRY  involves  the
exclusion   of:   thought,   reasoning,   thoughtfullness,
dialogue,   gracious-systems-analysis,   gracious-systems-
analysists,          gracious-descriptions-of-experiences,
descriptions-of-perceptions,       gracious-authoritative-
experiences, gracious-sharing-of-insights, etc.

     Domineering people  promote and facilitate idolatries
because of their exclusive Beginning-Points which stand in
the   way   of  gracious  integrations  and   integrities.

     Domineering-People may change  their Beginning-Points
and  become  True-Lovers  who  welcome,   facilitate   and
encourage Gracious-Changes in Beginning-Points.

     True-Lovers may change and become  Domineering-People
who  do   NOT  welcome INTEGRATIVE-CHANGE and  who  oppose
gracious-changes  in the Beginning-Points of  Domineering-
People like themselves as they are --- because  they  have
become entrapped as Domineering-People working within "The
Domination System".

     Note that the  above  is  neither a proposal of nor a
discussion  of the content of existing or possible  formal
or informal: codes,  laws,  prescriptions,  proscriptions,
commandments, prohibitions,   rituals,  mandates,  taboos,
etc.    Such realities are often the tools-of-the-trade of
domineering people;  or can be converted into their tools-
of-their-trade.   Instead, the above offers thoughts about
graciously     transcending-and-subverting     ALIENATIVE:
domination,  controls    and   manipulations  of  persons,
personal-relationships  and whole communities ---  in  the
hope  of  moderating  such  alienative  behaviors  through
gracious  demonstrations  of many reconciling  virtues  in
many contexts and situations.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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