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%PRIVACY RIGHTS BOUNDARIES LEGITIMATE QUESTIONS ASK 040505
  %DOMINATION COERCION UNILATERAL VIOLENCE ARROGANT 040505
%SELF CENTERED NARCISSISTIC RIGHTEOUS ADDICTION God 040505
 %SECURITY INVULNERABILITY SECRECY DISHONESTY GREED 040505
  %COVETOUS JEALOUSY ENVY AVARICE SUSPICIOUS DOUBTS 040505
%AVARICE HUMILITY CONTENTIOUS COOPERATIVE DEMANDING 040505

      What  are some of the legitimate questions which may
properly be considered in  regards  to  the character of a
relationship  between  participants  in   private/intimate
relationships?  Domineering people are prone to focus upon
questions  which  cross  privacy boundaries  for  improper
reasons.    Legitimate questions would,  however,  include
asking if there are signs of:

1.  Domination, coercion, unilateral-actions, or violence?

2.  Pretentiousness, arrogance or self-righteousness.

3.  Addictions, codependence or collusive games.

4.  Seeking security through invulnerability.

5.  Seeking security through secrecy and/or dishonesty.

6.  Greed, covetousness, jealousy, envy, avarice, etc.

7.  Suspicions, distrust, skepticism, doubts, etc.

8.  Incoherence, lack-of-integrity, contentiousness.

9.  The absence of joy, responsibility, responsiveness.

10. The absence of motivation, purpose, curiosity, love.

      The  presence of many such signs would lead  to  the
conclusion  that  the  participants  are  perhaps  trapped
within  a dysfunctional relationship and are  in  need  of
gracious   help  from  healthy  people  outside   of   the
relationship ---  with due respect for privacy rights when
the  consequences  of the dysfunctional relationship  have
already spilled out, or are very likely to spill out, into
the wider community.

      There  are  other  signs which need not  in  and  of
themselves (in the absence of the above signs) be taken as
independent  signs  of need for help from  healthy  people
outside of the relationships --- but many of them together
and/or  in association with some signs from above ---  may
reasonably  be  considered as signs of possible  need  for
gracious outside help from healthy people; e.g., signs of:

      1.  Compulsive preoccupations and/or imbalance.

      2.  Withdrawals from outside/different peoples.


      3.  Disinterest in outsiders and different peoples.

      4.  Reduced vitality, curiosity, creativity, etc.

      5.  Suspicion toward new ideas and outsiders.

      6.  Preoccupations with possessions and ownership.

      7.  Fear of all forms of change and growth.

      8.  Aversions toward various kinds of learning.

      9.  Fear of doubts, uncertainty, and unknowns.

     10.  Anxiety about lack of control and dominance.

      It  is overall patterns of characteristics and  ways
in  which characteristics correlated or fail to  correlate
with each other which are significant and important; not a
few  isolated  characteristics in  and of themselves apart
from  other  characteristics  considered  as  part  of  an
overall pattern.

      There  are  some troubling characteristics of people
who are outside of  intimate/private relationships  and of
their concerns   and   questions   about  intimate/private
relationships.   Gracious,  healthy and integrative people
need  to take note of such people,  their  characteristics
and of their concerns --- and to seek ways to mitigate the
damage   which   may  flow  from  them.    The   troubling
characteristics include preoccupations with:

      1.  Domination, controls, coercion and violence.

      2.  Conformity, non-conformity, obedience, loyalty.

      3.  Purity, purification, perfection, certainty.

      4.  Propriety, traditions, legalities, judgments.

      5.  Police, punishments, authority, reliability.


      6.  Heaven, hell, good-people, evil-people.

      7.  Salvation, damnation, justification, sins.

      8.  Exclusions, inclusions, excommunications.

      9.  Dichotomies, simplicity, certainty.

     10.  Coalitions, power-concentrations, winning.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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