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  %UNHEALTHY DEALS MARRIAGES INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS 031002
%INTERDEPENDENCE FAILED SEDUCTION COMPENSATE DEVILS 031002
   %FAILURES UNWILLINGNESS TAKE GOOD CARE OURSELVES 031002
%POWERFUL COMPETENT ATTRACTIVE SELF CONFIDENT OTHER 031002
%COOPERATE COLABORATE RESCUE INDOLENCE LAZY WORKERS 031002
   %MENTAL DISEASES COLLUSIONS GAMES SELF DECEPTION 031002

     We  set  ourselves up for disappointment in a  failed
relationship  if we look for somebody to be involved in  a
marriage/intimate   relationship  with  us ---  so  as  to
compensate  for  our failure or unwillingness to  take  as
good care of ourselves as we are capable of doing.   (This
is NOT about those of us who are truly UNable to take good
care    of  ourselves  because  of  objective:   injuries,
diseases, infirmities, old age, etc.

     1.  The more powerful, competent,  attractive,  self-
confident,  and wealthy the coveted person is ---  all the
more   likely  that  we  ourselves  will  fail   to   work
cooperatively  with  such a coveted person  to  develop  a
healthy/balanced relationship with such a person.   We are
likely to be looking   for   someone   to   rescue us from
indolence,   not looking  for  somebody  to cooperate with
in  a  balanced partnership.

     2.  The more the coveted person is willing to  become
involved   a  very   intimate   relationship  with  us  as
indolent as we are ---  all the more likely it may be that
the  other  person  will  take  advantage  of  us  in  our
weakness, uncertainty,  lack-of-self-confidence,  and deep
level of felt need to be taken care of.   The other person
may be a closet addict looking for a codependent supporter
himself/herself!

     Healthy marriages/intimate relationships are balanced
partnerships;  not unbalanced relationships of convenience
entered  into by  unhealthy  individuals making  unhealthy
"deals"    that   entail   dishonesty   about  individual:
weaknesses, dis-eases, diseases, dishonesties, addictions,
codependences,  and/or  involvements in collusive games of
mutual self deception.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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