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 %DEAL HELPFULLY EFFECTIVELY HUMANE INTIMACY REFUSE 030516
%OPEN HONESTY DIALOGUE LEARNING HEALTHY SEXUAL SINS 030516
%DEVILS LOVERS AUTHENTICITY HEALING FORGIVENESS GOD 030516
%IDOLATRY WORSHIP LAWS COMMANDMENTS RULES REGULATED 030516
  %DOMINATION SYSTEMS POWERS BEING TRUE SELF OTHERS 030516
%COLLUSIVE GAME MUTUAL SELF DECEPTION SECURITY FALL 030516

     We  cannot deal effectively or helpfully  with  human
intimacy --- if we refuse to deal openly and honestly with
the  complex   web of influences which may affect  how  we
respond  and/or  react  to occasions  of  human  intimacy,
sexuality  and pleasures.   The web will almost inevitably
include  the following kinds of threads:

     1.  Different    people's   GENETICALLY    influenced
dispositions toward openness,   honesty,  modesty,  trust,
diffidence, etc.

     2.  Different    people's    CULTURALLY    influenced
dispositions toward openness,   honesty,  modesty,  trust,
diffidence, etc.

     3.  Different  people's   EXPERIENTIALLY   influenced
dispositions toward openness,  honesty,  modesty,   trust,
diffidence, etc.

     4.  Different   people's   EDUCATIONALLY   influenced
dispositions toward openness,  honesty,  modesty,   trust,
diffidence, etc.

     5.  Different    people's   RELIGIOUSLY    influenced
dispositions toward openness,  honesty,  modesty,   trust,
diffidence, etc.

     6.  Different people's  DOMINATION-SYSTEM  influenced
dispositions toward openness,  honesty,  modesty,   trust,
diffidence, etc.

     7.  How  well the people who are involved in intimate
and  potentially-sexual  relationship  have or  can-become
open  and  honest with each other ---  about  the  various
kinds of risk entailed in their particular intimate/sexual
relationships:     e.g.,    sexually-transmitted-diseases,
power-imbalance-abuse, maturity-imbalance-abuse, relative-
ignorance-about-others    including     their    possible:
sexuality,   group-pressures,     hidden-hang-ups,    mis-
matched-expectations,    cultural-shocks,       religious-
shocks,   family-rejections, legal-complications,  charges
of  sexual abuse,    spreading awareness  of the  imagined
natures of the participants'  intimacies, etc.

     Of  course there are other kinds of influence.   Here
the    major  point  is  that  there  are  many  kinds  of
influence and that it is tragically in error to think that
any  of of them  can  be  the only dominant  influence ---
to  the  exclusion  of  others.    To  assume  or  believe
otherwise --- is to invite tragic  experiences  indicating
that a mistake  has  been made.   Some people have refused
to  learn  from  such  tragic  indications;    and  tragic
experiences  continue/repeat  until the hard  lessons  are
eventually learned, or the people are dead.

     Our  challenge is to learn how to manage the  overall
web  of influences with grace and integrity;  rather  than
with graceless controls and domination.  Simplistic taboos
and  alienative punishments  are tragically inadequate for
dealing with the challenges!

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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