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 %SIMPLISTIC BOUNDARIES INTEGRATIVE DESTRUCTIVE SEX 030515
%GRACIOUS LOVERS EXPRESSIONS COMMUNICATIONS DESIRES 030515
%TRUE INTIMACY MUTUALLY SATISFYING PLEASURES DEVILS 030515
   %TRAGICALLY MISLEAD BALANCE REASONING ASSUMPTION 030515
   %MOTIVATIONS RITUALS EXPERIENCES LAW ENFORCEMENT 030515
 %EXAMPLE POSITIVE NEGATIVE ABSTRACTIONS DOMINATION 030515

     It i NOT A SIMPLE THING to draw helpful and  gracious
boundaries between integrative and destructive expressions
of human desires for true-intimacy and mutually-satisfying
sexual-pleasures ---  and   the  sharing  of  them.  Over-
simplifications are tragically misleading!

     Many    distinctions    need   to  be  recognized  in
comparing integrative  and disintegrative:    motivations,
reasoning,  assumptions,  goals,  logic, images,  rituals,
reverence,   honors,   experiences,   actions,   insights,
revelations, laws, and  the enforcement of them ---   when
considering  how  to manage-well  the many  expressions of
human sexual desires ---    so  as  to  promote:     human
health,     well-being,  personal-integrities and communal
integrities.

     Various  helpful  distinctions need to  be  clarified
by making  use  of:   specific-examples,   (both  positive
and negative),  parables, stories,  theoretical statements
and generalizations,   rituals,   plays,  ballets,  songs,
music, etc.

     Often, distinctions need to be articulated to  expose
the  dis-integrative consequences of drawing boundaries in
ways  which  are dominated  by  the  fears-of-domineering-
supporters of "The Domination System"   and/or "The Fallen
Powers  That Be".   Whenever boundaries are drawn "in-the-
service-of-such-fears" --- the consequences are tragically
dis-integrative.

     Likewise,   distinctions  need to be  articulated  in
ways which favor  and  honor  the  gracious  understanding
of,   the transcendence   of,    and the subversion of ---
the  above named   fears    and    their   associated dis-
integrative   behaviors.      As   noted   above,     such
distinctions  need  to  be  clarified   by  (positive  and
negative):     parables, stories, theoretical   statements
and  generalizations,    rituals, plays,  ballets,  songs,
music, etc.

     The rule "Just say no!" is inadequately simplistic.

     ALWAYS  saying "no"   is  tragically   misguide   and
inadequate!    It  is essential to give gracious  guidance
regarding  under   what  circumstances  it   is    overall
integrative  to  offer   invitations  and  to  say  yes to
invitations   to sexual pleasures and to the  sharing  and
augmentation  of  them.    Likewise,    guidance regarding
commonly   enjoyed  patterns  of  courtship  and mutually-
pleasurable    "getting-together"     can  be   graciously
offered  and   be   helpful   ---    in  the   absence  of
disintegrative  objections    by    intrusive  domineering
people!    All individual people's right to say "no"    to
suggested  intimacy need to be emphasized.   Such  wishes,
however expressed,   need to be   honored. Violating  such
rights  is  abusive  and disintegrative!

     It  is  essential  to say "no"   to  suggested sexual
pleasures whenever saying "yes" will:

     1.  Spread sexually transmitted diseases,
     2.  Violate somebody's right to say "no",
     3.  Entail unilaterally breaking a promise/covenant,
     4.  Violate gracious laws and law-enforcement,
     5.  Entail dishonesty, violence and/or coercion,
     6.  Clearly lead to alienation, anger or resentment,
     7.  Empower some, at the expense of the vulnerable,
     8.  Please some, at the expense of the vulnerable,
     9.  Violate principles of balance and mutuality,
    10.  Otherwise lead to dis- integration.

     It  is  essential to be tolerant,  if failing  to  be
tolerant --- will violate somebody's rights to:

     1.  Privacy and sanctuary,
     2.  Be honest,
     3.  Be truly loving and gracious,
     4.  Personal and communal integrity,
     5.  Be true to themselves and to each other,
     6.  Communicate experiences honestly/graciously,
     7.  Not be harassed with intrusive questioning.

     We need to become aware and beware IF the number  and
style   of negative statements,  dominate over the  number
and style of affirmations made in good grace and love.

     "Just  say  no"   is thus tragically  inadequate  and
misleading.   Sexual pleasures are NOT essentially "evil";
even  if enjoying them does entail great  potential  risks
and  dangers to those who are kept ignorant of the  risks.
With  appropriate   knowledge  and guidance the  risks  of
enjoying sexual pleasures  can be managed so as to promote
personal  and   communal  health  and  integrity  --- with
mutual pleasures shared appropriately.

     The  manipulative use  of excommunication of any form
is counter-productive,  tragically uncalled for, and so is
not worthy of respect, honor, support or tolerance.

     When   in   the  context  of  dealing   with   sexual
relationships any of the following are evident ---  beware
of  the roles being played by domineering people  who  are
"in the service of"  The Domination System and The  Fallen
Powers That Be:

     1.  Violence,
      2.  Coercion,
       3.  Dishonesty,
        4.  Excommunication,
         5.  Arrogance,
          6.  Self-righteousness,
           7.  Unilateral-controls,
            8.  Power Concentrations,
             9.  Contentiousness,
              10.  Pretentiousness.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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