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   %CONDITIONAL LOVE VULNERABILITY SECURITY DEFENSE 980926                                           
                                                                                                                               
     To the extent that love is conditional love,  to that                                           
extent the person "loved"  will feel the need to be on the                 
defensive;   fearing that any vulnerability will be  taken               
advantage of.   Thus conditional love engenders alienation                                        
to the extent that it is conditional.                                                                                          
                                                                                                                               
     This is not to say that unconditional love calls  for                                           
occasions  of dishonesty,  letting oneself be "run  over",                                                      
letting   oneself   be   "taken   advantage   of",    etc.                                                      
Unconditional  love  is  not:   unbalanced,   lacking   in                                           
mutuality,    unconditionally   sacrificial;    collusive,                            
dishonest,  codependent,  etc.   Such is not the nature of   
true love.                        
                                                                                                                               
     The unconditionality of unconditional love --- has to                                           
do  with   keeping   channels  of  communication  as  open                                                                
as possible;   has to do with being true to self and other                        
in  open   and  honest  dialogue  made  possible   through                                
the  exchange   of  gifts  of the  freedom  to  be  safely                                                                     
vulnerable   within    intimate  personal   relationships.                     
CONDITIONAL  love is not committed to keeping channels  of                                           
communication  as open as  possible ---   and so engenders                                                                
alienation with all  of its bitter fruits.                                        
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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