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 %SEXUAL KNOWLEDGE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP VULNERABLE+980507
%SAFETY SECURITY DEFENSIVE OPEN HONEST RELATIONSHIP+980507                                                              
  %INTERCOURSE DIALOGUE COMMUNICATION LOVE SIN FAIL+980507                      
   %GOOD EVIL ESTRANGEMENT BALANCE EXTREMISTS ABUSE 980507                                       
                                                                                                                               
     In  Old Testament accounts of sexual intercourse  the
terms  used were "they knew each other"  or "he went  into  
her".     These were not "polite company" allusions to the               
nature of sexual relationships.
                                                                                                                               
     In what sense do people who truly engage in  intimate                     
sexual relationships "know each other"?   They are able to
come to know each other because:                          
                                                                                                                               
     1.  They are not being defensive.                                                             
                                                                                                                               
     2.  They are not withholding secrets.                                                                                     
                                                                                                                               
     3.  They do  not engage in misleading behaviors.                                                       
                                                                                                                               
     4.  They are not dishonest with each other.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     5.  They do not play collusive games of self-                                                   
         deception. 
                                                                                                                               
     6.  They do not try to take advantage of each other.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     7.  They are not in competition, but in cooperation.                                                                      
                                                                                                                               
     8.  They do not abuse each other's vulnerability.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     9.  They seek  balance in their relationships.                                                              
                                                                                                                               
     10. They seek to complement each other honestly.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     11. They seek to be engaged in open and honest                                                                  
         dialogue.                                                                                                             
                                                                                                                               
     12. They do not seek to be "superior" to each other.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     13. They are not preoccupied with issues of control.                                                           
                                                                                                                               
     14. They are truly interested in listening to each                      
         other.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     15. They give/accept freedom to be safely vulnerable.         
                                                                                                                               
     16. They do not keep score.                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     17. They seek to resolve conflicts, rather than win                                              
         them.                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                                               
     18. They honor forgiveness, reconciliation and unity.                                                                     
                                                                                                                               
     19. In Love they transcend disintegrative fears.                                           
                                                                                                                               
     20. They share firm foundations for healing hope.                                                                         
                                                                                                                               
     Those people who do NOT honor, respect and appreciate                                      
these  reasons  for being free to know each other ---  are                                                             
often strangers to each other --- no matter how close they                                               
get to each other physically.    They are often trapped in                                                               
relationships  of alienation,  estrangement,   separation,                                        
division, fragmentation,  analysis, criticism,  judgments,                                                                     
coercion,  violence,  condemnations,  and excommunication.           
They find it impossible to know and understand each  other                                                    
in  any meaningful/cooperative ventures.    They know each               
other  only  as  adversaries,   combatants,   antagonists,                                                               
enemies,  etc.   In truth they do not know each other  and                                                               
they  fear  the calls of Love to participate  in conflict-                           
resolution, reconciliation, and healing.                                                                                       
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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