This is http://www.essayz.com/a9805022.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PRUDENT TOLERANCE WHITE LIES DECEPTION NICE RELATE+980502 %DEMAND INVITE HONESTY PRIVATE LIVES THOUGHTS FEEL+980502 %INTERROGATE TORTURE EXTRACT CONFESSION EMOTION SIN+980502 %ALIEN THREATEN PUNISH VIOLATE COERCE BANISH EVIL+980502 %EXCOMMUNICATE OPEN DIALOGUE FELLOWS INTIMATE SEX 980502 Is it prudent to tolerate and expect white lies and deception --- as appropriate means to smooth out rough relationships and expectations? If it is prudent to do so, how can a community agree on where to draw the boundary between integrative dishonesty, and disintegrative dishonesty? If it is not prudent to so agree, how can a community agree on where to draw the boundary between integrative ways to eliminate such dishonesty --- and disintegrative ways to try to eliminate such dishonesty? What is the difference between integrative honesty and disintegrative honesty? If we cannot tell the difference, how are we to agree on whether or not it is prudent to tolerate a pattern of white lies and/or deception? Tolerating white lies and deception will generate an atmosphere in which tolerance will grow ---for more and more blatant forms of lies and deception ---until the community disintegrates totally as it becomes increasingly dangerous to trust anybody. What is the difference between integrative and disintegrative ways to try to eliminate disintegrative patterns of white lies and deception? If we cannot tell the difference, how are we to agree on whether or not it is prudent to tolerate certain ways of trying to eliminate a pattern of white lies and/or deception? Our difficulty is that people who are preoccupied with issues of control --- and likely to try to gain control over patterns of white lies and deception --- are people who are likely to try to gain control of dishonesty as an means of gaining control over people ---without regard for the welfare of the people being controlled. The behaviors of such controllers are usually disintegrative, because the controllers are coercive, deceptive, dishonest and violent people. Only fools put controllers in charge of eliminating patterns of white lies and deception. Fools make matters worse, not better, by respecting and honoring addictive controllers as leaders. The way to minimize patterns of white lies and deception is to work to generate more and more situations within which people will be, and will feel free to be, safely vulnerable in open and honest sharing of their own perceptions, feelings, experiences, beliefs, and convictions. By creating such situations through the free exchange of liberating gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable --- people will be invited to let go of white lies and deception regarded as appropriate means to personal and communal integrity. People cannot be forced to be truly open and honest. Threats and punishments lead people to be less open and less honest. Prudent people are not open and honest with controllers who feel that it is proper to try to force people to be open and honest. Controllers alienate themselves from the people whom they try to coerce into conformity --- through disciplines, threats, punishments, and excommunications. Such coercion, conformity, disciplines, threats, punishments and excommunications bear bitter fruits; not sweet fruits. By their fruits we may know them. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================