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%JACK JILL CONFLICT CONTROL COMMUNICATION COLLUSION 971119
                                                                                                                                     
           Jack  and  Jill  are engaged in conflict  because  of                          
      preoccupations with complementary values,  ideas,  ideals,                                         
      principles  and visions.   Jack is embedded in a collusion                                                   
      in  which  participants  are preoccupied  with  issues  of                           
      control  including control of communications  which  might                                                           
      expose the dishonesty which  is  essential  to maintaining                  
      the   collusion.     This  entails   control   of   verbal                                                   
      communications which are spoken, written, read and sung in                                                                
      any language.  It also  entails  control of communications               
      via sign language, body language, facial expressions,  eye                                                                     
      contact,  emotional communications,  music,  dance,   art,                                                                
      touch,    affection  and sexual   relationships   of   all
      kinds.   To  maintain  the "integrity"  of the  collusion,                                                   
      all  forms of communication must be controlled.                                                           
                                                                                                                                     
           Jack  is  preoccupied  with  maintaining  control  of                                                           
      communications.    Jill responds to Jack's  preoccupations                                  
      with her own preoccupations with maintaining true personal                   
      and      communal    integrities   ---    which     Jack's                                                                
      preoccupations threaten.     Each   one,   thus  threatens                                                                     
      the     other's   preoccupations     with    their     own                   
      preoccupations.       The  fulfillment   of   one  set  of                                                                     
      preoccupations  will   frustrate the  fulfillment  of  the                                                                     
      other  set  of preoccupations ---  so each  is  ultimately                                                               
      concerned  with affirming their own set of  preoccupations                   
      as  worthy  of  ultimate concern.   Jack  and  Jill    are                               
      trapped   in  can't-win   preoccupations   and  conflicts.                                              
      They     cannot   save   themselves   from   their     own    
      preoccupations   and  conflicts ---  by being  guided   by                                              
      their  current   preoccupations,    ideals,    values  and                                         
      principles.  They  need to recognize that they need a more                 
      balanced  set  of  interests and  concerns  ---    and  to                      
      acknowledge   and   seek  to   understand   each   other's                                                    
      preoccupations;  even if  not affirm them.                                                                                     
                                                                                                                                     
                               (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
         Download it!     (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                                     
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