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   %LOVE VERSUS DEFENSIVENESS CONFLICTING WAYS SINS 971026      
                                                                                                                               
There  are  often  conflicts  between  defensive  ways  to      
achieve the appearance of  security --- and Love's  Way of      
giving and accepting true security.         
                                                                                                                               
     Defensive ways to achieve the appearance of  security      
entail:                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                               
     1.  Trying to be in control of human relationships.                                            
                                                                                                                               
     2.  Preventing others from doing their own "thing".                   
                                                                                                                               
     3.  Focusing upon one's own superiority.                   
                                                                                                                               
     4.  Focusing upon others' faults and defects.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     5.  Being suspicious when there is any doubt.               
                                                                                                                               
     6.  "Either/or" patterns of assumptions/thoughts.                                                                         
                                                                                                                               
     7.  Seeking technical solutions to dilemmas.                                                  
                                                                                                                               
     8.  Clinging to that which is familiar/known.                   
                                                                                                                               
     9.  Being driven/motivated by many fears.               
                                                                                                                               
     Love's  Way  of  giving  and accepting  true security      
entails:                                                                                                                       
                                                                                                                               
     1.  Developing balanced human relationships.                                            
                                                                                                                               
     2.  Helping   others  do  their  own  "thing"    with                   
integrity.                                                                   
                                                                                                                               
     3.  Focusing upon communal interdependencies.                      
                                                                                                                               
     4.  Learning from self and other's mistakes.                                                      
                                                                                                                               
     5.  Prudently seeking truths within paradoxes.                             
                                                                                                                               
     6.  Honestly dealing with spectrums of possibilities.                                                                  
                                                                                                                               
     7.  Distinguishing between dilemmas and problems.                                                                         
                                                                                                                               
     8.  Venturing into revolutionary new ways of life.  
                                                                                                                               
     9.  Prudently dealing with grounds for valid fears.                                                                       
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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