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          %SEXUAL PLEASURE JUST SAY NO COMPULSIVELY+960719
         %INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS VULNERABILITY LOVE+960719
        %ADDICTIVE CODEPENDENT COLLUSIVE DISHONESTY+960719
       %FANTASY DREAMS VISIONS DESIRES HOPES ASPIRE 960719


     Teaching  children,  adolescents and young adults  to
"just  say no"  to sexual:  pleasure,  fantasies,  dreams,
visions,   desires,  hopes,  aspirations,   pleasures  and
relationships---is not the way to prepare them for healthy
sexual relationships in later life.

     Just teaching young people  "to say no to sex"  often
leads to dysfunctional compulsive  relationships which are
haunted  by  compulsive  conflicting  preoccupations  with
sexuality:  repressed fantasies, dreams, visions, desires,
hopes,  aspirations, pleasures and imaginary relationships
which are seeking expression;   but which are in  conflict
with   powerful  authority  figure messages that one  must
"just say no".

     In  the absence of positive affirmations of sex as  a
good  aspect  of  healthy  human  relationships---teaching
young people to "just say no"  leads to evil relationships
in later life.  The essence of evil is alienation.

     Teaching  young people to "just say no to sex"  leads
to them: (1) becoming alienated from the authority figures
who teach  the  lesson "just say no to sex":  (2) becoming
alienated  from their own sexual natures, and (3) becoming
fearful of and alienated from other persons with whom they
might truly fulfill their sexual potentials within healthy
sexual relationships.

     Young  people need to learn how and when to "say  yes
to sex".

     Young people need to learn  the  hazards of premature
sexual  intimacy  with  persons who  do  not  merit  their
respect and trust, and so to when and how to say no.

     Young  people   need   to  learn  about   risks   and
vulnerability in regards to sexual relationships:   how to
take  appropriate  risks,  and  how  to  be  appropriately
vulnerable in healthy sexual relationships.

     Young people need to understand that true security is
the   freedom   to  be  safely  vulnerable   in   intimate
relationships---whether   sexual   or  not---and  how   to
gracefully give and receive gifts of true security.

     Young  people  need  to learn to  respect  their  own
sexual desires and other people's sexual desires;  and how
to express them and respond to other's expressions of them
in integrative ways.

     Young people are unlikely to learn these lessons when
taught by authority figures whose only lesson is "just say
no to sex".

     The    process    of   developing   healthy    sexual
relationships does not occur suddenly during or just after
a marriage ceremony.    The process of  developing healthy
sexual relationships is  a life-long process.   If it does
not  begin  early  it is likely to be  a  stunted  process
leading to unhealthy sexual relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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