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       %LITIGIOUS LEGALISTIC RISK TRUST CONTROL PAY+960619
        %INTIMATE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP BLAME FAULT 960619

     People  who  are preoccupied with issues  of  control
often  operate on the principle that when some  misfortune
befalls them:

     1.  Blame must be assigned to someone.
     2.  The person responsible must pay.
     3.  Steps must be taken to insure against a repeat.

     Such people cannot with equanimity accept taking  any
risks   themselves  through  accepting  misfortunes  which
befall  them due to the random course of events which  are
beyond  being  under full human control.    For  them  all
tragedies  and  misfortunes  have to  do  with  inadequate
control; and so their response to tragedies and misfortune
have to do with:

     1.  Who did not exercise proper control.
     2.  Just compensation for failure to be in control.
     3.  Steps to be in control and prevent any repeat.

     For  such people trust has to do with who is reliably
in  control;  who can be relied upon to prevent  tragedies
and misfortunes.  For them risks have to do with assessing
risks  in  order  to be in control and so to  assure  that
there  will  be no adverse consequences to them in  taking
risks.   They  want  an iron-clad insurance  policy  which
protects them against all risks.

     For  such  people  it is unthinkable  to  enter  into
intimate   personal   relationships   within   which   the
participants  are not fully in control and do not want  to
be fully in control of: the relationships,  of themselves,
or  of each other.   Such people find it  unacceptable  to
take  the  risks  of being involved  in  truly  meaningful
personal  relationships  which  are characterized  by  the
risks  of being open and honest with each other;   and  so
vulnerable and apparently insecure.   They cannot conceive
of the possibility that true security is the freedom to be
safely vulnerable,  taking risks without a guarantee  that
nothing will "go wrong."
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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