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                %HEALTHY CONSENSUAL BALANCED HONEST+951215
                                 %INTIMATE RELATION 951215

     Healthy intimate relationships are consensual;  i.e.,
they   entail  mutual,   balanced,    informed,    honest,
responsive,   integrative,  and uncensored consent on  the
part of all the participants.

     Intimate relationships are healthy only to the extent
that they are:

     Consensual --- with each  participant continually and
freely consenting to  the continuation of the relationship
and to  the particular ways  in  which the relationship is
developing in time and space.

     Mutual --- with  each  participant  participating  in
mutually satisfying reciprocal ways---equally bearing  the
costs  and enjoying the benefits  of  the relationship  in
ways which are agreeable to each without coercion.

     Balanced  ---   in regards to  the  availability  and
exercise of power,  influence and initiatives ---  and the
reaping of the rewards thereof;   with participants taking
good care of themselves at all times so that they can bear
each other's burdens in healthy ways in times of need  for
each other's care.

     Accurately and reliably  informed --- in  timely ways
in   regards   to  the  possible,   likely  and   probable
consequences of the various steps taken in the development
of the intimate relationship.

     Honest --- in that the participants are being true to
self  and others;   i.e.,  not playing collusive/addictive
games of mutual self-deception.

     Responsive to each other ---  participant in  regards
to ideals,  values,  principles,  desires,  hopes,  fears,
aspirations, attitudes, assumptions, beliefs, convictions,
dedications,   commitments  and other  factors which  play
significant roles in each  participant making and carrying
through on decisions.

     Integrative  ---  in  the  sense  of  promoting  both
personal  and communal integrity for the participants  ---
and  for  others  in the contexts and communities  of  the
participants.

     Uncoerced   by   participants   in    the    intimate
relationship; and uncoerced by bystanders who are aware of
or suspect the intimate relationship.

     Intimate relationships entail various combinations of
foci  and  emphases:   friendship,   business,   religion,
spirituality,   professional    activities,     affection,
sexuality, scholarship,  recreation,  physical activities,
artistic activities,  hobbies,  music,  dance,  vocational
activities, vacational activities, etc.

     Healthy intimate relationships  are not engendered by
attempts  to  control,  regulate,  systematize,   program,
discipline or otherwise manage them to  make them  conform
to some set of expectations, demands or standards.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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