This is http://www.essayz.com/a9510301.htm         
Previous-Essay      <== This-Essay ==>     Following-Essay
Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words.
{Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.}
==========================================================
 %EVALUATION DYSFUNCTIONAL IDEALS VALUES GOALS FAIL 951030

     When  many  people  persistently fail to live  up  to
their ideals  and values---they often blame themselves and
each other for failing to try hard enough,  for failing to
be firmly enough dedicated to their ideals and values.  In
light of the persistent failures by many people  it may be
wise to examine the pattern of ideals, values and goals---
and  to  consider  the possibility  that  the  pattern  of
ideals,  values and goals may themselves be disintegrative
in nature; rather than integrative in nature.

     Traditional ideals and values pertaining to  intimate
relationships  and  marriage are far more  often  affirmed
verbally than by example.  People are persistently failing
to  live  up  to traditional ideals and  values  regarding
traditional exclusive intimate relationships and exclusive
marriages---and  persistently  blaming themselves and each
other for failing to try hard enough,  for  failing  to be
firmly   enough  dedicated  to  exclusive   intimacy   and
marriage.

     Perhaps it would be  wise  to examine the traditional
pattern  of  ideals,   values  and  goals  pertaining   to
exclusive   intimacy   and  marriages---to  consider   the
possibility that the traditional pattern of ideals, values
and  goals  pertaining to exclusive intimacy and  marriage
may be disintegrative in nature;  rather than  integrative
in nature.

     It  is not only individual ideals,  values and  goals
which need to be considered---it is the pattern which they
together form which needs to be considered.

     It  is  not  only the image which is created  by  the
pattern  of  ideals,  values and goals which needs  to  be
considered---it is  how the image and  the  pattern  leads
and/or misleads people who seek to fulfill the image.

     It  is  not  only the pattern/image which needs to be
considered---it is how  the pattern/image  leads people to
pass  alienative  judgements and to condemn themselves and
each other---which needs to be considered.

     When  many of us persistently fail to live up to  our
ideals  and  values---we  often blame  ourselves and  each
other  for failing to try hard enough,  for failing to  be
firmly  enough dedicated to their ideals and values.    In
light of our persistent failures it may be wise  for us to
examine  our pattern of ideals,  values and goals---and to
consider  the  possibility that  our  pattern  of  ideals,
values and goals may be disintegrative  in nature;  rather
than integrative in nature.

     Our  dilemma may be that  we are  trying  to  fulfill
addictive/codependent  ideals  and values according to the
rules of collusive games of mutual self deception. Perhaps
our exclusive ideals and values pertaining to intimacy and
marriage  are  unwise and mislead us.    We  may  need  to
consider that possibility---rather than to pass alienative
judgements  and condemn ourselves and each other  for  our
failures to live up to disintegrative exclusive ideals and
values.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
==========================================================