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%FIXATE ISSUE ADDICTIVE CONTROL FEARFUL TOOLS MEANS+950422
%LAWS RULES COMMAND REGULATE PROHIBIT PRESCRIBE SIN+950422
%LIBERATE LOVE TECHNOLOGY PROBLEM DILEMMA REFLEXIVE+950422
  %DEMONSTRATE ATTITUDES ASSUMPTIONS UNDERSTANDINGS 950422

     People who are fixated upon issues of control tend to
fixate  upon  laws,  rules,   commandments,   regulations,
prohibitions,  prescriptions,  taboos,  etc.  as tools  of
control.     They fixate upon means of control,  being  in
control;  and  who is in control.   They fear not being in
control,   and resent others'  being in control---but fear
more  that  nobody is in control.   They are dominated  by
fear---not  liberated by love.   They fear that love  will
cast out the fear which gives meaning to their empty lives
which love has not touched.

     Fearful  people  cling to  systematic  procedures and
technologies as means by which to generate security;  even
as  their lives and communities are being disintegrated by
inappropriate  procedures and technologies.   They  cannot
see the difference between technical problems which loving
people  can  solve  by  appropriate  uses  of   systematic
procedures and objective  technologies---on  the one hand;
and reflexive dilemmas which need to be dealt with by love
in nonsystematic ways which are essentially reflexive.

     Fearful   people  futilely  search  for  security  in
objective   procedures  which  they  hope  will  guarantee
success, satisfaction and meaning.

     Fearful   people   do  not  understand   that   their
preoccupation  with  being  in  control  cannot  guarantee
success.     They  do  not  understand  that  instead   it
undermines the possibility of lovers exchanging free gifts
of  the  freedom  to  be safely  vulnerable  within  their
communities of meaningful intimate dialogue.   They cannot
appreciate how wonderful such open and honest dialogue is,
for they fear the revelation of their  preoccupation  with
dishonesty, deception and misleading behaviors as tools of
control.

     Fearful people do not understand that it is  possible
to personally demonstrate helpful attitudes,  assumptions,
perceptions,   understandings and insights which cannot be
tools  of  control---and thereby help all people to  enjoy
all that the fearful  people seek to achieve through their
preoccupation with being in control.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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