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   %DEFINE MARITAL FAITHFULNESS EXCLUSIVE INCLUSIVE+950220
  %SELF SPOUSE OTHER OPEN HONEST INTIMATE RELATIONS+950220
    %HOMOSEXUAL BISEXUAL HETEROSEXUAL EVIL TOGETHER+950220
     %FRIENDSHIP ASSOCIATION DIALOGUE COMMUNICATION+950220
                                   %INTEGRITY 950220

     It  makes  a  world of difference whether  we  define
marital   faithfulness  in  terms of EXCLUSIVITY  or  not.
When   marital   faithfulness  is  defined  in  terms   of
exclusivity it is appropriate to be suspicious of:

     1.  An   intimate  friendship between a husband   and
another  man who may be a homosexual or another woman  who
may  be a heterosexual or bisexual person---for who is  to
know  how far the intimacy goes and the sexual orientation
of each person?

     2.  An   intimate  friendship  between  a  wife   and
another  woman who may be a lesbian or another man who may
be  a heterosexual or bisexual person---for who is to know
how  far the intimacy goes and the sexual  orientation  of
each?

     3.  A  couple  who  have an intimate  friend  who  is
heterosexual,  bisexual or homosexual---for who is to know
how  far  the intimacy goes and the sexual orientation  of
each?

     4.  A  couple  who have as intimate  friends  another
couple,   possibly  including  heterosexuals,    bisexuals
or  homosexuals---for who is to know how far the  intimacy
goes and the sexual orientation of each?

     Defining  marital fidelity in terms  of   exclusivity
invites and encourages suspicion,  secrecy,  deception and
dishonesty---and so  promotes both  personal  and communal
disintegration.

     People  who are insecure and defensive are  prone  to
combine  a definition of marital fidelity  with  yearnings
for perfection and control in the fulfillment of the ideal
forms of such a definition---and so they seek to encourage
Platonic relationships;  rather than sexual relationships.
They are likely to be dishonest about the nature of  their
desires,  yearnings  and efforts---and try to swim up  the
river of life and  death,  rather than seek to enjoy their
times together with other open and honest intimate people.

     We   clearly need to define marital fidelity in terms
other   than  in  terms  of  exclusivity,    control   and
perfection.

     We   need to  define marital fidelity in terms  which
will  promote both  personal  and communal integrity;   in
terms  of  openness,   honesty,   gentleness,   mutuality,
balance,   inclusivity,   health,   wholeness,   humility,
justice,    fairness and similar virtues which are not  as
prone  to  lead  to  disintegration  as  are  exclusivity,
control and perfection.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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