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         %PERVERTED CROOKED DISHONEST COERCIVE LOVE 941210

     Love  is often perverted and turned into the  service
of codependents who are supportive of collusive addicts.

     Perverted  love  serves  the  agendas  of   addictive
conformists intent  on  generating perfection in self  and
others---in  keeping with certain standards for  judgment,
condemnation and excommunication.   Addictive  conformists
are experts in the generation of alienation, estrangement,
ignorance, confusion and forgetfulness.

     Perverted  lovers are sure of themselves,  lacking in
doubt,    second  thoughts,   reflection  and  honesty  in
reflexive relationships.

     Perverted lovers pretend that they can control truth,
themselves and each other---in keeping  with  their chosen
standards for judgment, condemnation and excommunications.

     Perverted  lovers are not troubled by humility  which
can undermine  blind self confidence.

     Perverted  lovers  are not troubled by  doubts  which
undermine arrogant self confidence.

     True love is free of arrogant self confidence.

     True love is free of conformal preoccupations.

     True love is not fixated upon issues of control.

     True love engenders honest listening.

     True love promotes reconciliation, not condemnations.

     True love works for conflict resolution, not winning.

     True love promotes peace, not violent coercion.

     True love promotes honesty, not conformity.

     True love promotes courage, not obedience.

     In  true love people work to transcend the  collusive
games of mutual self deception which are played by addicts
and their codependent supporters.

     In  true  love  people  are free  of  fixations  upon
appearances,  respectability,  acceptability,  legalities,
rules,   regulations,  prohibitions,  taboos,   judgments,
condemnations,  guilt,  shame,  punishments,  retribution,
revenge, getting even, scores, getting ahead and winning.

     True  love  is characterized as much by what  is  not
fixated upon, as by what is present.

     False  love is characterized as much by the  presence
of disintegrative preoccupations which pervert and mislead
passions;   as by noble intentions,  visions,  dreams  and
aspirations---which wear masks to look like true love.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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