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  %CONFLICT DEFINITIONS NATURE DISAGREE VALUES EVIL+941018
  %LISTEN DESCRIBE MUTUAL SATISFACTION AGREE HONEST+941018
  %RESOLVE TRANSCEND ESCAPE PRISON COLLUSION ADDICT+941018
   %TERRORIST WAR MILITARY PREPARE WEAPONS VIOLENCE+941018
                    %OBJECTIVE SUBJECTIVE REFLEXIVE 941018

     We  cannot resolve our conflicts so long as we are in
conflict  over  our respective definitions of what  it  is
that we are in conflict over.

     To  resolve our conflicts we must first agree to work
toward agreement about just what are the issues,   ideals,
values,   principles  and  desires  over  which  we   have
conflicts.

     We  cannot  agree  upon  what it is that  we  are  in
conflict   about,  until  we have really listened  to each
other   try  to  explain what  issues,   ideals,   values,
principles  and  desires   play   central   roles  in  our
experiences of conflict.

     We  cannot  agree  on how to resolve  our  conflicts,
until we  can  explain  to  each other's satisfaction what
each  other's  perspectives  are,  regarding  the  issues,
ideals,  values, principles and desires which play central
roles in our conflicts.

     We cannot agree on how to resolve our conflicts until
we   can   agree on the most significant  objective  facts
regarding the historic events  which play central roles in
our  respective memories of the history of our  conflicts.
If we are in conflict about whether to be honest about our
communal  past,   we  cannot be  fully  honest  about  our
communal present or future.   In the absence of such basic
honesty we cannot resolve our conflicts.   It is dishonest
to pretend otherwise.

     We  cannot resolve our conflicts until we can explain
to each other's  satisfaction  what each other's reflexive
perspectives are regarding the  most significant objective
facts  of  the historic events which play central roles in
our  respective memories of the history of our  conflicts.
Such   explanations   are  reflexive  explanations,    not
objective descriptions.  The explanations reflect back and
forth  between  us,  in ways  which we cannot detach  from
through objective withdrawal.  We may  be in conflict over
whether we must be objective in such explanations;  if so,
we  cannot  resolve our conflicts until we  agree  on  the
nature of our conflict.

     We cannot resolve our conflicts unless we are  agreed
that it is desirable for us to resolve our conflicts.   If
we are in conflict over whether it is desirable to resolve
our conflicts---then we cannot resolve our conflicts.   If
some of  us  firmly  believe  that the continuation of our
conflicts  is desirable---then to that  extent  we  cannot
resolve  our  conflicts.    Before  we  can  resolve   our
conflicts  we must work to make it evident  to all  people
who have the power to continue our conflicts that it is to
everybody's advantage  to  resolve our conflicts.  See the
next essay.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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