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%ROOT CONFLICT RELATIVE IMPORTANCE DESIRES RULE LAW+940924
   %ADDICT CONTROL BALANCE EXCLUSIVE LACK FEAR LOVE 940924

     Often  conflicts  are  rooted in a  lack  of  balance
between emphasis upon the desires,  fantasies, visions and
intentions   of  unique  people  on  the  one   hand---and
addictive emphasis upon conformity to rules,  regulations,
prohibitions,  prescriptions, proscriptions,  moral codes,
etc.  on the other hand.   Conflicts arise between  people
who  emphasize  complementary concerns to the exclusion of
each other.

     People   who  are  healthy  and  enjoy  personal  and
communal  integrity  with each other---maintain a  balance
between the  emphases  which  they  place  upon   desires,
fantasies,  visions and intentions of unique people on the
one hand---compared to the  emphases that they place  upon
conformity to rules,   regulations,   prohibitions,   pre-
scriptions, proscriptions,  moral codes, etc. on the other
hand.  Exclusivity with regard to complementary aspects of
healthy  living  leads  to  disintegration;   not  to  the
enjoyment of personal and communal integrity.

     If  a dominant emphasis is placed upon conformity  to
rules,    regulations,    prohibitions,     prescriptions,
proscriptions, moral codes, etc.---then people cannot feel
free  to  be  open and honest with each other  in  sharing
their desires, fantasies, visions and intentions.  Such an
inhibition of openness and honesty undermines personal and
communal  integrity.   The logic which is  ostensibly  the
basis  for  the justification of the dominant emphasis  is
thus  not justified by the consequences which follow  from
it.

Healthy personal desires,    fantasies,  visions and
intentions all by themselves do not lead with certainty to
personal  and  communal   integrity.      An   integrative
communal context  is  also essential.   Mutual respect and
commitments  to  work  for  mutually  satisfying  conflict
resolution are essential. Commitments to  cooperate in the
minimization   of  violence,   coercion,    and   personal
manipulation are essential.  It is essential that there be
overt and general agreement that dishonesty, deception and
misleading manipulations  are  not tools worthy of respect
or support.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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