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   %RISK FREE DEFEND SECURITY COST SELF OTHER TRUST+940513
    %PRESENT LOVE GIFT POSSIBILITY CONCEIVE REALIZE 940513

     Often  people  adopt  a  paradigm  characterized   by
attitudes  according  to which their own security  can  be
achieved only by defensive moves which cost  other  people
their  security.    Such  defensive people  seek  security
conceived to be free of risks.  They are not free to trust
anybody  fully.    They are not free to give  anybody  the
freedom  to  be  safely  vulnerable  in  open  and  honest
dialogue---for  their defenses require them to participate
in collusive games of mutual self deception  according  to
which   the  essence of security is to be free  of  risks,
invulnerable.   The  manipulation of truths is just one of
many forms  of manipulation  which are essential to  their
game-plan for achieving security.

     Defensive people cannot conceive the possibility that
true security is  enjoyed by  freely  giving and accepting
gifts   of  the  freedom  to  be  safely   vulnerable   in
relationships of mutual trust and balanced considerations.
Since they cannot  conceive  that unthinkable possibility,
they  cannot   work   towards accepting and realizing that
terrifying possibility.   To them true security appears to
be the antithesis of  what they  believe  security to  be.
They think security  is something  which can be taken away
from others; leaving the others insecure while making self
secure.     In truth,  security is something which  can be
enjoyed only  by  giving it to others, by  taking  prudent
risks in trusting others  to respond in love when gifts of
love  are given to them---so  that  they  feel  themselves
present  in  love,   because they are in the  presence  of
people who are with them in love.

     People  who are constantly defensive undermine trust,
respect  and security, and lead themselves and others into
patterns of behavior which undermine personal and communal
integrity.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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