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      %MANIPULATE CONTROL COERCE ADDICTIVE VIOLENCE 940324

     When we are confronted with exclusivity,  alienation,
violent  manipulations,   addictive control and all  their
related  kinds  of  behaviors---we need to  look  for  the
ideals,  values,  assumptions, convictions and fears which
motivate and  guide  the people who are the leading actors
in  such  dysfunctional  relationships.     Such   leading
dysfunctional  actors  are  rarely  openly  committed   to
promoting and facilitating: balance, honesty, trust, risk-
taking,   giving  security  as  the freedom to  be  safely
vulnerable, personal integrity and/or communal integrity.

     When   we   are   confronted    with    dysfunctional
relationships  we  need to look for the roots of  whatever
forms of imbalance are motivating and guiding the  victims
of  the  dysfunctional  relationships.   The  victims  are
usually mutually responsible for  the continuation  of the
dysfunctional  relationships.    The  perpetuators of  the
dysfunctional  relationships are often  driven  by  fears,
ideals   and  values  which  perpetuate  relationships  of
exclusivity,  alienations, manipulations,  and violence---
which victimize all the participants in  the dysfunctional
relationships.    It is helpful to articulate as such  the
fears,    ideals   and   values   which   perpetuate   the
relationships.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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