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  %ESSENCE TRUE INTIMACY HEALTHY PERSONAL RELATIONS+931107
   %REFLEXIVE OBJECTIVE SELF OTHER PARTICIPATE LOVE+931107
  %SEXUALITY MORALITY LAW LEGAL RESTRAINT JACK JILL 931107

     If  Jack  and Jill are frequently sharing openly  and
honestly with each other their reflexive considerations of
themselves and each other---then they ARE PARTICIPANTS  in
a truly healthy and intimate relationship.    If Jack  and
Jill  are  infrequently sharing openly and  honestly  with
each other reflexive considerations of themselves and each
other---then  they are NOT PARTICIPANTS in a truly healthy
and intimate relationships.

     Jack   and   Jill  may  not  be   sharing   reflexive
considerations with any frequency because:

     1.  They  are  rarely  in communication  in  any  way
because  of  physical and/or spiritual absence  from  each
other.

     2.  They  are not personally interested in each other
and are focusing most of their attention exclusively  upon
other considerations;   e.g.,  people,  projects,  issues,
missions,  goals,  ideals,  values, paradigms,  conflicts,
addictions, fixes, etc.

     3.  Their  interests  in each other  are  exclusively
objective and/or utilitarian; regarding each other only as
means  to  be  used  in  their  individualistic  and  non-
cooperative striving to achieve some goal or purpose.

     4.  Their ideals,  goals, beliefs and attitudes focus
little

     5.  They may be trapped in  paradigms  which  inhibit
open  and honest reflexive sharing;  e.g.,  they may never
have  been  offered  and accepted the  true  gift  of  the
freedom to be safely vulnerable, true security.

     6.  They are perpetually defensive and  suspicious of
each  other no matter how physically close they may be  to
each other in space and time.

     7.  They     are    preoccupied    with     objective
considerations, goals, ideals, and values.

     8.  They  do  not share a common language  of  words,
symbols,  gestures,  affections,  emotions and pointers by
which to share themselves with each other.

     9.  They  have  become  estranged  from  each   other
through  occasions  of  manipulation,    misunderstanding,
tragic interactions, and violence.

     10.  They may never have truly met each other in  the
absence of inhibiting factors and considerations.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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