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    %LOVE NEED DESIRE RAPE CONTROL MANIPULATE COVET+930816
    %WANT LUST CONTROL MANAGE ADMINISTER OWN OBJECT 930816

     The word "love"  is used much,  and much abused.   It
points to much which is highly valued,  but too rarely are
efforts  made to clarify what it is that is highly  to  be
valued;   and what it is that is associated with the  word
"love"   which  is  disintegrative  of  people  and  their
communities.

     When somebody says "I love you" it may mean:

     "I want you"               "I need you"

     "I desire you"             "I control you"

     "I manipulate you"         "I own you"

     "I covet you"              "You belong to me"

     "I lust for you"           "I worship you"

     Such meanings are not worthy of respect.

     "Love" may point to what people do to each other,  as
to objects.   The object of "love" may be a person treated
as an object.    The meaning of the statement "I love you"
might  grammatically  be parallel to the statement "I  hit
you."    "You"   points to an object to  which  "I"   does
something.  Such a relationship does not merit our respect
or support.

     In healthy intimate relationships where the spirit of
love  is  truly  present people don't do  things  to  each
other;   they cooperate in relationships with each  other.
In   such   relationships  people  are  created   by   the
cooperative  relationship as much as they are creators  of
the  relationship.    In such relationships "I  love  you"
points  to   the  cooperative  ventures   in   which   the
participants are  present to and with each  other.     The
affirmation points to a desire to nurture the relationship
through cooperative  ventures,  dialogue,  listening,  and
presence.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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