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 %HEALTH RELIGION CHURCH CULT ACCEPT BELONG SPECIAL+930505
     %FORBID TABOO PROHIBIT GOODS INTIMATE RELATION 930505

     All  too  often  the message which  is  delivered  by
forbidding  and prohibiting certain behaviors is that  the
hearer is not qualified to receive the goods which might b
gotten through those behaviors.  The goods which might  be
gotten  through  those  behaviors are often  perceived  as
affection,   love,   acceptance,   security,   and  sexual
fulfillment.   But  the hearer is not qualified to receive
affection,    love,   acceptance,   security   or   sexual
fulfillment.  The hearer gets confusing signals about what
it means to be a person of integrity.

     Is the message that a person of integrity cannot have
affection,    love,    acceptance,   security  or   sexual
fulfillment  until certain conformal  qualifications  have
been met?  Is the message that they must be paid for first
in dollars, conformity, or self denial; and enjoyed later?

     Confusion  is  often generated by prohibitions  which
lead   people  to  think  that  in  the  absence  of   the
prohibitions  the  good  stuff of life  would  be  readily
available  for the taking,  without proper work/effort  in
seeking  to  develop healthy intimacy  and  honest  inter-
personal relationships. The facts of life are obscured.

     The  facts of life are that personal fulfillment  and
meaning  in  intimate  relationships  involve  cooperative
work/effort on the part of the participants. Also involved
are patience, understanding, balance, tolerance, etc. Such
facts of life are  obscured by placing great emphasis upon
prohibitions and taboos;  rather than upon open and honest
reports  by  people  of  their  own  personal experiences,
insights, perceptions, emotions,  thoughts, desires, hopes
and  fears.   In the presence  of  great  emphasis    upon
prohibitions and taboos  with the traditionally associated
threats of rejection and excommunication,  there is little
chance that  people  will openly and honestly report their
own personal experiences, insights, perceptions, emotions,
thoughts, desires, hopes and fears.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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