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 %OWN SELF OTHER BEHAVIOR INTEND EXPECT SHOULD DUTY 930330

     When conflicts arise it is important to:

     1.  Acknowledge  that  the  conflicts  are  reflexive
realities, rather than objective realities.

     2.  Honestly describe  and own  our  own experiences;
rather than  try to describe what other  people  intended,
did, or experienced.

     3.  Recognize that without doing the first above, the
second is unlikely to occur.

     4.  Focus upon the qualities of  relationships within
which we are participants, rather than upon the quality of
the participants as separated individuals.

     5.  Acknowledge   that   it   is   the   quality   of
relationships as we experience them which we can describe,
not  any objective reality of the relationships;   and  so
seek   to   own  and  describe  our  experiences  of   the
relationships, rather  than  seek to describe  and dis-own
any  objective reality for which others are held primarily
responsible, or are blamed for.

     6.  Acknowledge  that we have no way  to meaningfully
disagree  with   other  people's  descriptions  of   their
experiences of  conflicts  within  which we are or are not
participants.

     7.  Note that others can meaningfully  disagree  with
our  attempts  to  describe  their  intentions,   actions,
expectations, and relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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