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  %REJECT ACCEPT CONFORM STANDARD SYSTEM JUDGE LOVE 930320

     Healthy personal  lives and patterns of relationships
include a  healthy variety of foci,  activities,  changes,
growth   and   spontaneous   transformations.     They are
characterized  more  by inclusivity than  by  exclusivity.
They are regarded as  desirable  because they are growing,
developing,  changing,   spontaneous,   creative,   inter-
connected,   integrative and balanced.   None of them  are
held  up  as  inherently  and/or exclusively  better  than
others because of how  they conform to some unchanging set
of  prescriptions and/or  proscriptions.     None  of  the
people who embody them  are rejected/accepted because they
do/not conform  to  some  unchanging set of  prescriptions
and/or proscriptions.

     Unhealthy    personal   lives   and    patterns    of
relationships are often  unchanging,   prescribed,  chosen
and/or  accidental routines or sets of  habits  which  are
regarded as  inherently better than some other routines or
set  of  habits.    They  are  regarded  as  appropriately
unchanging because they are better; or better because they
are  unchanging.   Some unhealthy people and relationships
that embody what are regarded  as the better proscriptions
and/or prescriptions are  regarded  as more  acceptable---
because  of  how  they  do  conform to  a  better  set  of
unchanging   proscriptions  and/or  prescriptions.    Many
healthy  people  who do not conform in any  such  way  are
regarded as rejectable for that reason.

     Unhealthy disintegrating  people often  view  healthy
integrative   people with disdain and arrogance.   Healthy
integrative  people rarely regard  unhealthy  people  with
disdain and/or arrogance.

     Unhealthy  disintegrating people are often stuck in a
spiral of  disintegative change which they deny  is  real.
Healthy   integrative  people  are  often   willingly  and
willfully participating in  integrative change  which they
affirm as real and healthy.

     Unhealthy    disintegrating    people    are    often
compulsively focused upon fixes by which they seek to make
themselves or others to  become/appear  acceptable through
defensive  manipulations.    Healthy  integrative   people
regularly   accept  other  people  into  open  and  honest
dialogue through gifts of security and vulnerability.

     Unhealthy disintegrative people are often  trying  to
achieve  and keep a static state of perfection;  or trying
to define what such  a static state of perfection would be
like.    Healthy integrative people travel through life in
ways  which  enable  them  to  be  in  constant  dialogue,
conversation,  connection,  communication with people  who
are changing,  spontaneous,  responsive,  different and/or
in conflict with them.

     The  differences between unhealthy people and healthy
people may be traced to differences between the ideals and
values  which  they  respect  and embody  or  condemn  and
reject.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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