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  %HEAL ADDICTIVE RELATION WOUND RESENT ANGER BLAME 930211

     We  cannot  heal  the  wounds  of  our  dysfunctional
addictive  and  codependent relationships by blaming other
participants  in our dysfunctional relationships  for  the
all pain.  Nursing our anger,  resentment and desires  for
revenge  will  not  promote  healing;   will  not  promote
personal or communal integrity.

     In dysfunctional relationships there are at least two
participants.   The  way that the participants respond  to
each other's behaviors creates the relationship. Power may
not be equal in relationship; and often, as in the case of
the   relationship  between  abusive  parents  and   their
children,    the   imbalance  of  power  is   great.    In
relationships  between  adults  their may not  be  a  real
balance   of   power,    but   usually   participants   in
dysfunctional   relationships  choose  to   continue   the
relationship,    rather  than  to  terminate  it.    Adult
participants  share  in the responsibility  for  continued
participation.

     For  there  to  be  healing  of  the  wounds  of  our
dysfunctional relationships we need to be honest about our
roles   in   creating  the  dysfunctional   relationships.
Pretending  that  the  relationship  was   determined   by
somebody else,  with us playing no role,  does not promote
healing of the wounds of the relationship. Healing is most
complete when all  participants  in a former dysfunctional
relationship learn how to be honest  with each other about
the  nature of the relationship and about  the  respective
roles which  participants  played in  it. Each participant
may heal somewhat in proportion to the amount  of  honesty
which each offers  to  the  healing process.  All may heal
quite  fully  if  all offer  full honesty to  the  healing
process.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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