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  %PARENT ADULT CHILD FAMILY VIOLENCE HEALTH RELATE 930124

     To  the extent that in our earlier years we have been
abandoned, abused, neglected and left feeling insecure; we
are prone to compensate by clutching, clinging and holding
onto   other   persons  whom  we  think/feel   offer   the
fulfillment of our needs.  We may feel/think that the fact
that we were abandoned, abused and/or neglected; is a good
excuse for our clutching,  clinging and holding onto other
persons.   Our  understanding is then shallow;  and not  a
helpful/useful understanding.

     We cannot fulfill our needs by  clutching,   clinging
and holding onto any person or persons; no matter how good
and  powerful they may be,  no matter how good for us they
may appear to be.  The fulfillment of our real needs comes
through  our  participating  in  fulfilling  relationships
which are balanced,  healthy, honest; and characterized by
integrative attitudes, thinking and behaviors.  Clutching,
clinging  and  holding  onto other  persons  destroys  the
possibility of developing such fulfilling relationships---
no matter how skillfully we  construct  excuses based upon
how we may have been abandoned, abused, neglected and left
feeling insecure.

     Only unhealthy people in unhealthy relationships feel
happy with others  in  clutching,  clinging and holding-on
kinds of relationships. Beware of yourself and others when
you   and   they   find  apparent  fulfillment   in   such
relationships;  for the fulfillment is only apparent,  and
the  relationship is a disintegrative  one.  You and  they
need   to  focus  upon  improving  the  quality   of   the
relationships, not upon each other as the sources of fixes
or as objects in need of our "fulfilling" fixes.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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