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       %SECURE STATIC IDENTITY GROW PROCESS CONTROL 930113

     Many  people  feel  far  more secure  with  a  static
identity   or   condition;    than   they   do   with    a
growing/changing condition or process.  It is  threatening
to   them  to  consider  their  personal  identity  to  be
changing,   rather than fixed.  Who they are---should be a
permanent reality, fixed;  as one of their addictive fixes
for  dealing  with  their essential  insecurity  which  is
rooted in an insecure childhood.

     It  is essentially impossible for us  to  maintain  a
fixed  identity  while we and those around us are  growing
older,  changing physiologically and relationally.  Who we
are is largely dependent upon how we have related to those
who are around  us.  Those who are around us  are changing
through  changing relationships,  births,  deaths,  aging,
etc.  We cannot stop such changes;  we can only relate  to
them in growing ways. If we respond to changing conditions
in  fixed ways which do not  relate  to  the changes;  our
responses are bound to be inappropriate and in effective.

     Some   people  are  more  comfortable   with   static
conditions  and  identities than changing  ones;   because
static   conditions   and  identities  are   more   easily
"controlled"   than  are  changing  ones---at  least   the
appearance  of  "control"   is easier to  maintain.   Thus
manipulative people encourage us to adopt fixed identities
so that they can manipulate  us.  Healthy growth cannot be
controlled.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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