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    %REGARD CONSIDER THINK OWN EMOTIONS OBJECTIVELY+921223
 %TALK CONVERSATION DIALOGUE COMMUNICATE ARTICULATE+921223
    %WISE CONFLICT RESOLUTION HONEST INTEGRITY LOVE 921223

     We cannot regard, think about, or talk about  our own
emotions  objectively;   for  doing so is  an  essentially
reflexive process. If we are compulsively objective in our
considerations of all that we do consider; then we are not
likely  to be free to regard,  think about,  or talk about
our  own  emotions;  and are  likely  to neglect, repress,
forget,   gloss  over,  hide and otherwise  deny  our  own
emotions.

     If  the  community  of  those  people  who  are  most
important  to  us  in  maintaining  our  self  esteem  are
compulsively  objective in their consideration of all that
they do consider;  then we are not likely to be free  with
them  to  regard,   think about,  or talk  about  our  own
emotions. If we are not free with them to consider our own
emotions---then we are  not  likely  to be free apart from
them  to  consider our own emotions;  for they  (both  our
emotions  and  our primary other  people)   are  eternally
present  in  our consideration of our  self  esteem.   Our
freedoms  are  culturally  conditioned  to  a  very  large
extent, but not totally.

     To  deal wisely with our emotions we need to be  free
to regard them, think about them, and talk about them with
each other---openly,  honestly, matter of factly, clearly,
without embarrassment or fear of rejection. This is nearly
impossible  for us to do if we are trapped in a  collusive
community    which   places   exclusive   emphasis    upon
objectivity,   measurement,   computation,   manipulation,
prediction, control, discipline, and management. In such a
community  openness  and honesty about  emotions  must  be
taboo,  to  protect  the collusive games  of  mutual  self
deception which are the essence of the community.

     If  we are not free to talk about our  own  or  other
people's emotions;  then we  are  not free  to  be true to
ourselves or to others,  and so cannot enjoy  personal  or
communal integrity. Then we cannot deal with our dilemmas,
conflicts,   and  problems in an informed  and  wise  way;
because  we cannot be well informed in the absence of  the
freedom to talk openly and honestly.  We cannot understand
others  or  our conflicts with others  in  the absence  of
knowing   about  and  understanding  our  own  and   their
emotions;    and  so  we  cannot  creatively  resolve  our
conflicts  in the absence of the freedom to  be  open  and
honest with each other about our emotions.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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