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 %DEFENSE AVOID FULLY VULNERABLE RELATIONS TRUE SEX 921113

     Defensive   people   avoid   fully   vulnerable  true
relationships;   for within such relationships  they  feel
that  they cannot be  really  secure.    Their  sense   of
real  security  is invulnerability.   To feel secure  they
feel  that they  must be invulnerable.   They avoid   true
personal  relationships  which    entail    vulnerability,
and  choose  instead   to participate  in  false  personal
relationships   of  mutual manipulation   and   deception;
i.e.,  collusive  games  of mutual self deception.

     To develop the   habit  of being  open  and honest in
personal relationships  is  to  make  yourself  vulnerable
to  the manipulations   of  people  who  seek  to  control
their  relationships   with other people.   We  cannot  be
open   and honest  without  making  ourselves  vulnerable.
If  we  are defensive,  we are  not  free to be  open  and
honest  in personal relationships. If we want other people
to be open and  honest with us;   we must avoid acting  in
ways which will lead them to feel defensive toward us.

     True    sexual     relationships    entail     mutual
vulnerability.  False  sexual  relationships entail mutual
manipulations,  deceptions,  and attempts to be in control
of relationships and   participants   in    relationships.
True     sexual  relationships  entail  open   and  honest
dialogue.    False sexual  relationships  do  not   entail
open and honest dialogue;  they are false --- to avoid the
vulnerability which characterizes openness and honesty.

     Legalists,  moralists,  and compulsive formulators of
systems  of  ethical  codes --- do not promote true sexual
relationships   through   their  formulations  of   legal,
moral  and   ethical  systems in terms of  which  to  pass
judgment upon people's behavior patterns. The knowledge of
the  difference between good  and evil which  such  people
presume   to   know   through  their   eating    of    the
forbidden   fruit,     is  alienative  knowledge.     Such
knowledge   does   not  truly  bring  the benefits   which
the  alienative serpent promises.    It does not  tell  us
how  to  fabricate  the keys to the  kingdom   of  heaven.
Rather,  such knowledge leads us into alienative attitudes
and alienative patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior.

     The early people  who  often  told  the  story of the
temptation in  the Garden of Eden knew some  truths  about
authentic  living which  many   technocrats,    legalists,
moralists  and ethicists do not know;  and do not want  to
know.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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